Slower Than An Injured Angel
by SoleFaith
Summary: At the end of the world everyone hopes for a safe zone, and Aylin is one to cave under pressure. Even the slightest hint of it. That's what lands her on Hershel's farm. Yet, when has pressure led you to ultimate loss and heart ache. Each and every time. Eventual Daryl/OC and Rick/OC (Rating may change)
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **Hey Guys. Here is the rewrite of Vintage. I hope you enjoy. ~SoleFaith

* * *

My car came to a sudden halt past a couple of cars and onto the pavement. My two daughters sat in distress in the back seat. They hadn't talked to me since their dad died. Mike was my husband and I miss him with all my heart, but we can't cry forever. We have to survive. As I step out onto the pavement I feel damp water soaking into my worn out boots. I was something from a book. Black boots, skinny jeans, and a blue tank top decorated my body. My children had been surprised to see me change into something I hadn't been since I was a teen. Never in their life have they seen me in lipstick and eyeliner but I don't care how I look. I'd rather look younger than disgusting. I have to make an impression for them to never give up on themselves.

Olivia my youngest steps out after me a smile forming on her face. "Remember my friend Vicky." she says pleased with herself. I stand with my hand placed on my right hip. This feels like the first time in forever Olivia actually talked to me. Her friend was sort of a bad influence but I try to amuse her with my attention. "Well, her Daddy's best friend had a farm around here. Maybe it's safe?" she mimics me by putting her hand on her hip. I look down at my worn boots and I have a vague memory of Hershel. I only had met him once but he seemed nice and he _was_ a vet. Vets can't be murderers. Then a disturbed thought comes to my mind. He could be dead, his daughters could be dead.

I close my eyes. We were originally headed for Fort Benning. It was supposed to be a safe zone. Atlanta had fallen and a couple of my friends had told me to meet them. It is a long shot but who knows when we will see an actual living person.

"Well, it would be nice to see someone we can trust." I sigh and Olivia smiles getting back into the car. I can barely hear her talking to Ellie about Hershel and how he was going to keep us safe. I frown as Ellie continues to listen to her music. The frown disappears as I begin feeling the inner parent coming out in me. Looking at the engine of the car, I am easily able to fix the problem. So it's decided. We are going over the river and through the woods to Hershel's farm.

Once we are driving again Olivia uses her superb memory to direct me towards the farm. She once told me the exact directions to a store we hadn't been to since she was two. I could almost cry trying to remember the memory of her and my once innocent Ellie laughing as we pulled into the parking lot. "There." she says pointing at a dirt path. I pat her on the shoulder with the palm of my hand and drive down the road. We soon approach a quiet little farm with people. From what I remember about Hershel it doesn't make sense for him to let people he doesn't know stay with him but I mustn't dampen the mood.

"Hey Olivia." I joke glancing at a boy with a sheriff's hat. "You can have a boyfriend now." Olivia punches my arm and I stop the car and step out. I look up to see a gun pointed between my eyes. This really was a great idea. "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa." I say putting my hands up. "We come in peace." The man's expression doesn't change as he looks towards my stainless white gun. Olivia steps out of the car and I quickly pull her behind me.

"Rick!" the man yells. "We got us some people." the man's expression looks pained as if he had lost someone he loved. The rest of the group circles around the car blocking me off from the open land.

"I, I know Hershel." I stutter getting more nervous by the second. "We came to ask for some help." I stroke my daughters arm as the man known as Rick speaks up.

"We?" he says harshly. I pull my daughter in front of me and roll my eyes. People can get nervous these days and I understand. But, I am a woman, scrawny like a twig, with two young children.

"We." I say holding Olivia close to the front of my body. "And my other daughter who is still in the car." I glance down at Olivia who stares past the group towards the farmhouse. "For God's sake! I have children. I'm not a threat." A black haired woman glances up at the man who still had the gun pointed at me.

"Shane, she has a point." The woman points out using her fingers to redirect the placement of her own hair holding her hand towards Olivia who still has her eyes closed.

"Randall's a kid." an old man mumbles gesturing towards the barn. "We can't give him a chance?" Dale's face is pleading like nobody will listen to him.

"Randall is a different story." Rick makes a sideways glance toward the older man. "I'm sorry Dale." Dale groans and makes a stiff look.

Before I can speak again the black haired woman grabs my hand. "My name is Lori; grab your children." Lori gestures me to hurry up as Shane keeps his gun raised.

"Shane." I hear Rick whisper flatly. "Let's deal with this later." Shane begins to yell back to Rick as I pluck Ellie out of the back seat. Ellie begins to argue with me but freezes when she sees the glares some of the people are giving her. She pulls her jacket tightly across her chest trying to cover any open skin that may be showing.

"It's okay honey." I whisper as we follow Lori. "No one is going to hurt you." Ellie forces a grin as we approach a small campsite near the edge of the farm. "No one is going to hurt you." I say once more.

Lori sits me down as I hear arguing in the distance. "I need to see Hershel. Does he still live here?" the woman smiles noticing the grimace on my face and trying to reassure me.

"Of course." she says walking up to the house. I feel tiny fingers walking up my arm. I pull my fingers through Olivia's hair and she looks up at me.

"Mommy we are safe now right?" she says sweetly as the arguing seems to get closer and closer. I see guilt and terror in her light blue eyes.

"We are safe. Don't you ever doubt that." she smirks playing with a couple of twigs and I sigh in relief. I look over to Ellie who glares wildly at the sky and I begin to be thankful that Lori had taken us away from the group who continues to argue like we never left. I rub my lips trying to remove as much lipstick as possible but it doesn't help.

"Who the hell are you." a deep voice startles me and I look up swiftly. I begin to speak but Olivia's pleasant voice interrupts me. I shake my head at her to be quiet but she ignores me.

"Hell is a naughty word." she says standing up. She drops the subject quickly and points to me. "That's my mommy." My throat starts to ache as she continues. "What's your name?" she muses always finding the best in people even if there is nothing but hate in their hart.

The man looks over at Ellie who is pulling her pants over the tips of her ankles the best as she can. He snorts with an unreadable expression as he brushes past Olivia and walks up to the arguing men holding a couple of squirrels by their tales. "That's rude!" she yells over to him sitting back down on a log and crossing her arms.

Soon I see Hershel walking over to us next to Lori and one of his daughters who I can almost remember. "Hershel?" I say questioning him. "Do you remember me?" I stand up and walk towards him. "It's a long story." I try to look at him in a way to make him remember. Hershel gives a funny look as if he had been drunk or wishes he still was. "Michaels?" I grin. "Aylin Michaels?" He continues giving me a funny look and I turn to one of his daughters.

" Laura." she says giving a faint look of recognition. "I'm sorry. My dad never did have that many friends." My face goes pale and I notice that the arguing had stopped and the people had broken apart. A couple silent minutes pass as we exchange glances. I cross my arms waiting for something to happen. Olivia and Ellie follow the young boy and I let them, making it clear to them to stay close to him. There is a trial, something about the boy they had been talking about. Randall.

I stand close to Lori. People are still watching me with one eye to make sure I don't try anything. I can tell they are angry that I am here but Lori didn't really give them that much of a choice. I am a complication. Carl stands watching us and so does Ellie and Olivia. People don't speak until they leave.

"So how do we do this?" I hear a young Asian man say. "Vote?" I crinkle my noise. I don't really know why they voting but it can't be good.

I stand behind Lori trying to be out of site and out of mind. "Does it have to be unanimous?" asks a blonde lady who doesn't seem to found of the idea of me listening in on them.

"Majority rules." Lori answers her and I step back a little causing a ripple effect of heads to turn my way. I feel uncomfortable being in the room with them. I feel like an intruder.

"Now let's just see where we all stand." I here Rick say from the center of the room. The eyes that fell on me a second ago don't leave as I shift a little.

"Where we all stand about what, Rick." Shane says aggravated. "Randall or this other woman." My body begins to feel like lead as he continues. "Both seem like the same threat to me. How are all of you just trusting her straight away?" He shakes his head and stops.

"I never said that I trust her. Now is not a good time." Shane's glance twitches a little as he looks back toward Rick. "Let's talk through the options."

"Well the way I see it there it's only one way to—"I see a disgusted look form on Dale's face as he interrupts. The room is light but the way I see it, it mine as well be dark.

"Killing him." He says finishing for Shane. "Why even take a vote it's clear what you're all thinking." I feel my heart skip a beat as the words spill out but I stay quiet.

"If people believe that we should spare him I want to know." Rick says and I feel my hands shaking. I can't believe these people think they have the right to decide if he lives or dies. Lori turns to me and whispers; "It's ok, you don't know the full story." I nod but still feel a bit of doubt.

"Maybe just me and Glen." Dale says and Glen makes a face as if he is holding something back. Mike used to make that face. A face that shows that a person is hiding something. I always hated that face.

"Listen, I think your right about mostly everything." Glen says and I am soaking in every word. "But with this—" Dale starts to argue he speech getting higher. "He's not one of us." Glen finally says what he is thinking. "We have lost too many people already." I cringe. I'm not one of them either. There is more talking followed by more arguing. There is talk of how Randall will be killed, which way be more human. It stills bugs me and if I was one of them I would stand by Dale try to validate his side of the argument.

"Your right." Dale says as he brushes past the man who had held the squirrels. "This group is broken." That's that. Lori leads me away, leads me to where Olivia and Ellie had been with Carl. They are playing cards.

"Go Fish!" Olivia laughs as Ellie pulls closer to her ignoring Carl's eyes. "That means it's your turn Ellie." Ellie glares at her and shuffles the deck. I watch as Carl's eyes drift up and finally notice me and Lori.

"Let's go guys." I say taking Olivia's hand. "I hope you don't mind Lori but we'll sleep in the car." Lori hastily agrees and gives Carl a look. He stands and follows her out of the room and we are now alone. The sunset streams through the curtains and I Ellie's eyes become foggy with sleep and I pull her to the side of my hip.

We walk out of the room and I turn the corner startled by Hershel's look of worry. "I'm so sorry." I say vaguely and then try to fill him in. "I was trying to find my way out of the house and back to my car." Hershel laughs silently and I doubt I actually heard it.

"You're leaving already." He shakes his head in disbelief. "I still haven't found a way to the others off my farm." Ellie yawns and I ruffle her hair. "But maybe all is for the best." I begin for the door then turn back to him.

"I'm actually not leaving." I say now feeling a bit sorry that he was misled. "I just have no other place to sleep and—" Hershel puts his hand up to motion me to stop talking. I can almost hear the gears in his head turning as he thinks.

"Well I don't want you to sleep in your car when the rest of us are nice and comfortable." He says rubbing his temples. "You can use the spare room. Just a fair warning these people have gotten hurt a lot and that bed had to endure it all." I can't tell if it's meant as a joke or not so I decide not to respond like it is.

"Ok." Is my response. "So you really don't remember me?" I ask trying to sound desperate. "I mean what about Adam and his daughter." Hershel tries to recall.

"I remember Adam but I don't know how that would make me remember you." I point towards the room and Ellie and Olivia walk there slowly, looking back every few seconds to make sure I'm ok with it. "I'll try. You do seem familiar." That's when we hear the gunshot. Someone got hurt.

The next day goes slow. Ellie follows Carl around as he gives her the grand tour. Olivia tries to join them but seems to always be left behind soon coming to me to vent. As night approaches I start feeling uncomfortable. I know people still are weary of me but they seem preoccupied. I turn and hear a name being screamed. Randall.

Everyone around me seems to forget about me and my daughters being outcasts and it becomes every man for themselves. Lori finds me and brings us to the house. Order is restored as the men go out searching. "Who's Randall?" Ellie interrogates, her harsh southern voice biting into Lori. "Everyone seemed really scared of him." Lori ignores her question and begins panicking.

"Oh my God." she says sweetly yet worried. "I have to find my son." Panic begins to make the room stuffy and the rest of the night feels like a blur of colors.

I touch my red check. They had to drag me off the farm after everything that happened with the biters, walkers is what they call them. Though, I am fond of both titles. I lost Olivia in the confusion and Ellie had already jumped into Rick's vehicle trying to get away even if it meant leaving me behind. I was running around looking for someone that wasn't there. I knew Ellie was safe but Olivia was nowhere. I punched the man in the gut who tried to bring me to safety but he hit my over the head with the butt of his gun before I could hit him again. That was the last thing I remembered after Lori looking for her son.

We stop at a clearing in between some stone walls and start a fire. I look up at the much smaller group and then over at Ellie. They seemed so surprised to find out about the truth of the infection. That all of us had it in our body. But, I already knew it. It was no surprise. They seem to momentarily forget that they didn't trust us, or still don't. Ellie crawls over to me. "Olivia is safe." she whispers into my hair. "I saw her run off after that blonde lady."

A faint smile comes to my face. At least Olivia is safe. Ellie is a smart girl and I trust her. If she thinks Olivia is safe, Olivia is safe. I feel a faint pull back into reality when Lori's son Carl begins to cry. He looks older than Olivia and Olivia would never cry over something so minor because she is strong, and safe. Ellie still clings to my leg filling it with heat. It is hard to tell how old she acts. Ellie is ten, but nobody would be able to guess that. One minute she is mad and a typical kid and the next minute she is clinging to my leg like there is no hope left for her. "This isn't a democracy anymore." The words calm me. Was it really ever? Even before all of this started life was dictated in some way and now it makes things structured. I slowly drift off into a deep calming sleep.

When I wake Ellie is still tightly wrapped around my leg and I stand up feeling less than refreshed. Nobody seemed to have slept the night before and they all stare with tired eyes towards each other. I see Rick gesture for me to talk to him. It is really about time. For a moment I had thought they forgot about me and my kids.

As I approach, his arms have fallen next to his hips and his eyes are lowered. He doesn't even bother to look at me. "Hershel confirmed that he knows you. You can stay but there is something you must know. We don't let in outsiders." He frowns raising his eyes to study me. "You are an exception." I smile brightly at him turning back to where Ellie was curled up in a ball. She seemed to be the only one left sleeping. "Wake up your kid where moving on today." I bite my lip turn to wake Ellie, gently putting my hand on her bare shoulder. Her eyes become wide and lost as if she is still in a dream.

"Help!" she yells and everyone turns toward us alarmed. Their weapons are raised as if there is a biter. I loosen my grip on her and turn to explain. Rick's eyes are angry and the group is silent. I begin to speak but only a tiny gasp comes out.

"What the hell was that?" Squirrel man hisses. I turn to Ellie who is shivering under my cold touch. She curls into a tighter ball backing away from me and tunneling her face between her hands.

"Nightmare." I say quickly trying to reassure the group. Most of the members go back to packing up the little supplies that they were able to save from the farm. Ellie saved much more of our stuff then I had even thought about looking for, even when I thought all she did was try to find Rick. I sigh in relief as she stands up letting the sun tint her brown wavy hair with color. "Nightmare." I say again this time to myself.

"Seemed like more than that." the deep southern drawl of squirrel man startles me and I stand up regaining my composure. I tighten my belt and adjust my gun in its holster.

"She's troubled." I say turning my head to glance at Rick who is seemingly more attractive than I had noticed. "She doesn't like strangers. It was just a nightmare." I pull Ellie close to me. "You okay baby?" I say. She looks at her hands that are now caked with dirt.

"Wish I had my music." she pouts and I turn to see that squirrel man was already gone. "Can I help Beth and Maggie pack." she whispers. I grin at her and pass her the gun she had left in our old car.

"Knock yourself out" I bellow and she quietly walks towards the two girls nervously. I suddenly seem to be the only person not working on anything. But, soon everyone is done and ready to move one. Rick stands up in front of everyone and directs us on which cars to take. Me and Ellie are going to ride with Glen and Maggie. Rick is riding with Lori, Carl and Hershel. Carol and Beth are riding with T-Dog. Daryl makes his own choice to ride alone. I am glad I finally know his name.


	2. Chapter 2

The car ride is long. We seem to go in circles. I wind down my window slowly and look out at the open road. A couple biters walk by clueless and we out drive them. Ellie is having another one of her mood swings and she crosses her arms and begins to silently pout out the window. I pat her shoulder and she pushes my hand off. We stop at an abandoned apartment building a couple miles out and Rick begins to give orders again. I sigh glancing down at his butt while he speaks. I look away for a second to see Daryl staring at me a smirk on his face and I blush embarrassed. At least nobody else saw me staring at Rick.

I step out of the vehicle Ellie behind me and a light breeze hits my side. A million hidden goose bumps begin to shiver up my spine. Ellie points her gun at her feet appropriately and I nudge her. "Calm down sweaty. It's Ok." I earn a glance from Carl who is already following his father into the building. Lori gives Rick an evil glance and I return one to her. It's not my place to intrude on her life but Rick did nothing wrong as far as I know. Ellie and I stay outside on look out as everyone else looks through the building. I begin to think about Olivia. She must be so scared.

"Mommy, are we going to look for Olivia?" sighs Ellie in anger. I look at my feet with guilt. "You told us the farm was temporary and we left the farm. Why are we still with these people?" My feet seem to morph and quite screams form under the tip of my skull. Screams for Olivia, screams for Mike, and screams for Ellie. I look up at the moment when the screams for Ellie began to animate themselves into real screams. "Mommy!" she yells to me and my eyes widen in fear. "Mommy!" she yells again and I can finally see what is happening.

A man, an unknown man is holding Ellie his fat disgusting arm tightly gripped across her feeble neck. "I got a pretty one Mark." the man calls over to his companion now holding Ellie by the neck.

"Rick!" I try to yell but my terror only comes out as a gasp. "Don't hurt my little girl." I say breathless walking towards the men cautiously. The group is still in the building milling around.

"Don't come one step closer woman." the man says a stubbly smile forming across his lips. "Or I'll snap her neck." He laughs throwing Ellie backwards. Ellie's eyes are wide with fear and the other man puts a cloth over her mouth.

"Now what would be a fair trade?" the man says mimicking the horrific look on my face. He looks around at the cars stacked slightly with supplies. Nothing worth taking. The other man looks at Daryl's motorcycle.

"Ellie?" I say locking eyes with her. "I'll be right back I promise." The two men look to each other as I back up towards the apartment and disappear into the front door.

"Rick!" I yell through the hollow building. All I hear in response is my own echo bouncing off the walls. I turn the corner looking through a small window on a door. Inside I see Rick and Glen throwing a couple bullets into a backpack. Glen turns to see me knocking frantically. He says words to Rick which seem soundproofed by the walls then they open the door.

"Aylin?" Glen asks worried. "What's wrong where is your kid?" I am breathing hard and I try to calm myself without slowing down my pace for too long.

"People." I say my words distorted by the speed of my words. "There are two men out there. I didn't see where they came from but they have Ellie." I am panicking now, pushing Glen towards the door. Rick is following close behind us his gun raised tactically. We reach the end of the hall and I turn the knob to the door and taking a quick breath of outside air. I look side to side and fall to my knees. Both my kids are now missing. I look up at Rick who looks straight ahead.

Screams go off in my head. As the group drives off to find a place to sleep for the night I look out the back window at were Ellie was taken. Rick insisted on riding with me when we were packing the few supplies he had gathered into the cars. Everyone else felt bad but seemed to be caught up in their own thoughts. "Rick what would you do if that was Carl?" I ask drawing shapes on the foggy window like a child. Rick glances back at me through the mirror above the radio.

"I would likely try to follow them." he says plainly staring at the car in front of us. I wrap my arms around my knees. I am a little kid, more than at heart. Twenty five years old, just out of high school and too young to have two daughters of different ages. I loved Mike though. He was the earth and I was his sun.

"Why didn't you let me go after her?" I say studying the back of his head. He is interesting, the kind of guy that would never notice me. It was my fault. I was always the quiet girl in school. I never went to prom or had fun. I always was off in my room watching films. At least I did this until Mike.

"Because if you went after her you'd die. I'd die." his words cut into me like a knife poisoning my skin. I erase the picture I had drawn on the window thinking about what he had just said.

"What do you mean you'd die?" I yawn feeling bad for acting like a little kid and asking so many questions. I had a bad feeling about his answer like it would cause me pain.

"Well, I wouldn't let you go alone." I look into the car behind us and see Lori and Carl laughing. Rick's family. He's a married man. I smile a fake smile as a snowflake falls on the windshield.

"Oh." I give him a kind look that he doesn't notice. "Your friend, the one who held the gun to my head." I rest my hands of my legs. "Shane." I correct myself. "I saw pain in his eyes; I see the same pain in yours."

Rick grunts choosing not to respond to me. He didn't have to, I didn't ask a question. It was a fact. I went over the boundary and I still wanted to talk to him. Rick's voice is beautiful.

"Do you still believe in love?" I say surprised Rick doesn't become frustrated with how much I seem to be prying. "I mean. Do you believe in love in this world now?" Ricks car stops suddenly and I jump. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

Rick looks at me suddenly covered by a hard shell. "We are here." he says word by word. I look out at a house with a garage. We are on a street with many houses which doesn't seem smart but I don't say anything. Rick and the rest of the men begin looking at a map while the rest of the group walks into the garage. Looking out my left window I see Daryl putting down two biters on the street. Sometimes I forget what the others call them. They walk and bite. They are walkers. I sit in the car indifferent to the rest of the group.

* * *

_"Mommy Ellie hasn't come home from school yet." Olivia's sweet voice sounds even sweeter over the phone_. _I smirk adjusting the image of the dog on the cereal box. Graphic art is the funniest job. _

_"Yes honey." I say looking at the final product of my work. "She's at extra help." Olivia never understands it when Ellie isn't home. "Daddy's going to pick her up you'll see her then. _

_"But Mommy." Olivia whines. "Daddy went to get her back from school three hours ago because of the funny monsters." I frown and look up from my computer out the window. _

_"What funny monsters sweaty?" I say stress making my heart beat faster. I heard of these creatures on the news but I thought that the Government had taken care of it._

_"The one that looks like Daddy." My eyes widen with fear. Mike had the virus and he was gaining on my beautiful Olivia._

_"Stay at home and get away from Daddy at all coasts. It's a game of hide and seek and if you win I'll take you and Ellie to get some ice cream." I hear Olivia sequel in joy and then her feet pounding on the stairs before she hangs up the phone._

* * *

"Aylin." a voice sounds off in the spot of my head where I had a memory. "Aylin get out of the car or we going to leave you here over night." the voice belongs to Daryl who is banging on the car window his voice barely leaking through.

"Sorry." I say opining the car door to suddenly. I give Daryl a sideways glance as we walk up to the garage. He responds with a short annoyed grunt. I ignore it and keep walking suddenly upset when he makes the noise again. "What." I snarl.

"I'm sorry bout yer little girl." he says as we get closer. I smirk. He seems to have a funny way of showing his feelings, with annoyance. Daryl grins trying to change the subject. "Saw ya looking at Rick earlier." he says knocking on the garage three times. "Ya know him and Lori got a thing going on called marriage." The garage slowly opens and I shot a comeback at him as fast as possible before anyone can hear.

"Well I saw you looking at Carol." I give him an evil grin "You like her." I laugh, feeling bad when I realize I am laughing even with Ellie missing. The garage opens completely revealing Carol. Daryl's eyes widen and embarrassment and he storms off.

"What where you guys talking about?" Carol asks blushing as if she hadn't heard us. "Just thought I would ask." she smiles trying to get me to tell her but she already knows.

"Nothing." I say softly walking off in the direction of Rick. Not to flirt with him. Just to ask him were I will be sleeping even though it is easy to choose for myself.

Rick is talking to Lori when I reach him and Lori gives me an upset look that Rick is unaware of. "Whatever Rick." she glows looking at her stomach "Talk with your friend." I whisper sorry in embarrassment as Lori walks away.

"I was wondering where I was going sleep." I say calmly to Rick, anger still boiling up inside of me about what had happened to Ellie.

"Sleep over there." he grunts pointing toward an empty spot near Daryl. I look around. There are no other empty spots that are spacy. Great.

I walk slowly to the spot near Daryl. I seem to be so close to him even when reality I am far enough away. He shifts awkwardly under my gaze as if he has eyes in the back of his head. "Just cuz I was the only one to talk to you besides Rick doesn't make us best friends." he grunts pulling the sleeping bag higher over his body. The way he does it reminds me of Ellie and I bit back sadness.

"I'm not here because I want to Daryl." I shoot back. "There are no other places to sleep." Daryl groans in amusement to my comment. The garage is small and it is the truth.

"Bet you'd rather be cuddling with Rick." he says to loud for my sanity. I see Lori move her body under the sleeping bag and I know she's awake. I growl and adjust the hard pillow under my head. Rick had gone outside a couple minutes ago and I know he hadn't heard. I let out a sigh of relief and for once fall to sleep keeping both eyes closed.

When I wake it is early in the morning. Daryl has shifted even further away from me and I smile at his bluntness. I stand up stretching my arms, sit on my pillow and begin to clean my gun. A cop had taught me it once and it isn't easy. I look up after a couple minutes feeling eyes on me. It's Lori. She has a gun pointed stomach and nobody else is awake.

"What the hell did you tell Rick?" she snarls at me. I look around the room and see everyone except him. I grin. I still have no clue why she is blaming this on me.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." I say standing. I know she wouldn't shoot me. I can already tell what kind of person she is. A coward. "If Rick left you or something it isn't my fault." Lori's glare deepens.

"He didn't leave me." she snarls lowering her gun. "He left all of us all a last night." I step for forward letting my height intimidate her. "Told me he was going out to find your kid." she says calmer. I smile at her and sit back down to put my gun back together. After a couple minutes it's completely ready to shoot. I switch the safety on putting it back in its place.

Rick comes back then, hands covered in blood, behind him stands, a skinny figure. I feel blinded to the light from the outside as the figure comes running at me arms out. It's Ellie, but Ellie is dead. I raise my gun and switch the safety off. Before I can shoot I feel rough hands restrain me. Suddenly, I realize that everyone is very much awake.

"What in hell are you doing?" Daryl says still holding my arms behind me tightly. "That's your kid." his words sting but I hear the lie in his voice.

"She's dead." I say. "They took her and now she's dead." I feel someone grab the gun out of my hands. It's Beth. She backs up slowly throwing my gun on a blanket. "She's dead! What the hell are you all doing she's going to kill me!" Soft hands wrap around my leg and my muscles tense.

"Mommy I'm here." Ellie says. "I'm alive." Softness fills her voice and I let my head drape down to my feet.

"Ellie?" I say quietly and the warmth from her voice lights up my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'm never leaving you again." Ellie's weight shifts so the only thing that is holding her up is her own strength to hold on to me. Daryl lets go of my arms. "I love you Ellie Belly." I whisper.

Later, we load our supplies back into the truck and get ready to find another house to stay at. Ellie stills clings onto me like I am her only hope. She won't tell me what happened to her or how Rick had found her. Just like the last time Rick insists on riding with me, but this time I bring Ellie along.

The rest of winter is long. We go house to house and I seem to become part of their small family. Rick got the best kill of the spring. Better than all the biggest bucks Daryl brings back to us after hunting. Rick found us a place to stay for keeps. A prison.

The prison is large. Me and Ellie walk in together slowly. Everyone seems happy about the new arrangements even Daryl who hasn't been happy for a couple months. While everyone is picking a cell me and Ellie already have one. A clean cell. If you call clean minimal blood stains. We had enjoyed the night in the yard. The night with the cooked owl. This is a upgrade. We sleep only to wake and prepare our cell.

"Mommy, I miss Olivia." Ellie sighs pulling a lace quilt over the bottom bunk. Its pink just like Ellie's shirt that now looks like it was bought with fringe around the bottom oval. "I hear her sometimes, in my head." She continues and I smile at her as I toss her an orange pillow that we looted from a department store a couple weeks ago.

"Olivia is safe." I tell her smoothing out the blankets for her. "You told me she was. Don't you remember honey?" Ellie smiles putting bedding on the top bunk.

"Yea I remember." she says shifting through her back pack. Ellie pulls out a bottle of water and begins drinking. Our room looks the best compared the others. I was always sentimental. I saved blankets and we still had a lot because Ellie promised to carry them at all times, because of this we never had to get rid of it. "Were home right?" Ellie says lying on the bottom bunk.

"We're home." I repeat. "I have to go talk to Rick, find out what I have to do to contribute." Ellie smiles telling me that she understands. I walk past the other cells that look less than home like and find Rick talking to Hershel, and the others about clearing out the tombs. I understand. It had been at least a day since we had arrived. "I was wondering what I could do to help?" I ask shoving my hands into my pockets. Rick looks at me a hard dense and doesn't respond.

"A couple of us are going to try to clear the tombs." Hershel says stating the obvious. "Carl is going to stay protect the others. You mind going on a run?" I glance at Rick who nods in approval.

"Fine, where do I go?" I ask pulling my sweatshirt down over my waist. "All the department stores in the area we've checked. Where else is there?" Hershel thinks this over.

"Well Lori's baby is going to be coming soon." Hershel says rubbing his hands together. "Formula, baby bottles, and anything else you think we might need." I think about my route.

"Sounds good, don't let Ellie leave the cell block though." Carol gives me a reassuring smile and hands me a hunting knife. "She'll be fine. Don't shoot if you don't need to."

The road is long. They hadn't told me where to find baby stuff or anything else. We looted this town dry. I drive down a back road that we hadn't searched yet. A broken sign says that there's a town two miles from where I stand. Two miles means two minutes. I smile an immature smile and get out, taking gas from a parked car. I add the gas into my car and keep driving. Birds chirp devilish tunes singing the song of my dead loved ones. A large wall gleams in the distance. Armed men and woman stand on top, their guns pointed at my car. I think I just found a safe zone. I clutch the car handle in my hand and open the door.

"I come in peace." I say loud enough for them to hear. "Is this a safe zone?" I yell up to them. I hear chuckles from the wall. I guess I did make a blunt assumption. I take a small step forward and hear the guns being clicked towards me again.

"Governor." a voice yells from atop the wall. "We got someone." It reminds me of the reaction Shane had to me. While the people on the wall are turned the other way I adjust my gun so it is behind me and unseen. I bite my nails as the gates open to let me in. On the other side is a smiling man. I shake his hand and walk further into the miraculous city.

"These people." I say with my eyes huge. "They're all safe." The man's smile full of pride. Pride, one of the seven deadly sins. I look to the man and he nods.

"Well, I know you might have questions." He says softly. "But, it would be better for you to just look around for a while, for I am very busy." He walks away and enters one of the buildings. Even though he is gone I can still feel eyes on me. I walk throughout the town looking around amazed by the amount of people. I catch a glimpse of a lady with blonde hair who stands next to a tiny figure. I remember what Ellie had told me, about how Olivia had run off after a blonde lady.

I jog in her direction and bump into her on accident. "Excuse me?" the lady says in a harsh tone. Then she turns. She turns to face me and it's her. It's Andrea.

Below her, little hands wrap around my knee. "Mommy I missed you so so much." Olivia says hugging me. I pick her up and she feels lighter. "Mommy this lady saved me and Andrea." Olivia points a boney finger towards an aggravated looking lady.

"Thanks." I say. "I owe you so much" the lady smiles a seemingly rare smile. "This place safe?" I ask gesturing to the town around me. Andrea glances to the lady and rolls her eyes.

"Actually no." the lady responds looking at the gate. "I was just about to leave." I smile at her and glance at Olivia who rubs her eyes with her fists.

"Why?" Andrea says coming back into my vision. "Do you have a place to go?" I am very impatiant now but let her finish. "The others?"

"I don't know if I should say." I clinch my teeth. "I mean I don't want any one else to find out. Even if you mean the best, everyone looks to happy. It bothers me. What if your friends with that 'Governor'. I really don't trust him."

"What?" She asks her face contorting. "Your not going to tell me where my friends are?" A lump forms in my throat and Olivia looks at me her expression confused.

"No." I admit. "But, if you want I'll bring them here to meet you." Andrea scratches her head and I know why. She knows that I won't bother."Since this place isn't safe I better leave also. Take Olivia home to see her sister." Olivia smiles into my face. "I have a car I could drop you off someplace before I get back to the rest of them." I say to the new lady. After all I really do owe her.

The lady eyes a target behind me. "I better not. I'll be on my way now." I shake her hand and walk toward the gate with my new friend. I look behind me quickly to see Andrea close behind.

"We're leaving." the lady says to the man on top of the gate. The man has a strange similarity to Daryl but at the same time they seem so different.

After a little bit of an argument the lady is on her way and I'm taking Olivia home. There was a strange feeling that was gone once I left the town. Soon, Olivia will be reunited with her sister.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry For Such A Large Chapter. Here is where everything starts on things you guys haven't read from Vintage. Thanks ~SF**

* * *

We arrive back at the prison. Carl pushes open the gate to greet me. I glance at him and drive through. He doesn't bother to look back at me. He has too much on his mind. "We live here?" Olivia asks stunned and disappointed at the same time. I pat her shoulder and hop out. The sun beats down onto my face and I begin to remember the weird feeling I had back in Wood Bury.

"Yes." I answer. She gives me a weary look as I help her out of the car. I look up at the cell block. "Your sister is still here. Do you want to see her?" Olivia nods cheerily and runs up the stairs.

I look behind me to see Carl closing the gate to the field so not to let any walkers in. He tilts his hat to me and I open the metal door to let Olivia in. The first person I see is Daryl who looks down at his feet only looking up a second to notice Olivia. I try to smile at him but he still seems worn out.

At the door to the cells I catch worried looks as I lead Olivia back to Ellie. Nobody seems to care too much about her and it bothers me. Glen paces in front of a cell and after I put Olivia under the covers I walk to him. I say, "What happened? Why is everyone so stiff?" Glen glances into the cell where I see Maggie and Beth staring blankly at one of the beds. "Are they Ok?"

Glen sighs annoyed . "They're fine." he states frankly. "Hershel not so much." Lights flicker in his eyes and I feel like I was just punched in the stomach try to see past him into the cell but he steps in front of me. "Hershel was bit." he reveals scratching his head. "But Rick chopped of his leg so he could be fine."

I turn, my eyes welling slowly up with tears. Hershel can't die. My legs lead me stiffly back to my cell were Ellie sleeps soundly with Olivia on the bunk above her. I guess she was so tired she didn't have enough strength to talk to Ellie or maybe she just didn't want to wake up her sister. I sit on the metal floor and cover my face in my hands.

* * *

_"Mommy?" Olivia asks pulling at my pants. "Why won't Ellie talk to us?" I shake my head at Olivia but she continues. "She is such a brat!" I turn to shake my finger at her but she is already staring coldly at Ellie. _

_"She had a hard time leaving school." I tell Olivia flatly. "You know better than I do not to give her crap."_

* * *

A weary voice startles me. "Are you Ok?" I jump at hearing Rick. I quickly wipe the tears from my face "I'm sorry that you weren't here to hear about Hershel." He says leaning against the door frame as I hear talking from the others. My eyes guide themselves to my feet.

"Yea, I'm fine." I mutter brushing my hair from my sticky tears. "I bet Lori would much rather have you talk to her." I glance up at him feeling his pain and I can't help but think that it's my fault.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean that." I give him a sideways moan and pull myself to my feet. "But you must be really busy right now and well I'm just a little out of it." I pull the covers over Olivia who tosses and turns in her sleep.

"Well, I'm glad you have both your girls' back." he says and my eyes dare to get glassy once more. I feel my heart pounding for some unusual reason and sickness dares to overtake me.

"I never got a chance to thank you for saving Ellie during the winter." I say stopping myself short when I see Lori staring at me with a sad jealous glare from the bottom cells.

He rubs his forehead and ignores my comment. "There was some prisoners, survivors like us." He stops to read my reaction. "They tried to kill me and I killed two of them." I taste the sorrow in his tone. "The other two are alive."

Then only to make Lori mad I hug him. He stands stiff and Lori walks away. Rick leaves without another word. I sit back down and cover my face again soon drifting to sleep. The last thing I remember thinking is about Mike. I'll never love anyone again like I did him.

* * *

_"Mommy?" Olivia pesters scratching a figure into the glass window. "Ellie's I-pod is almost out of battery." I turn at the corner. Thank goodness to that. She never talks to me when she listens to it. "She told me that when the battery runs out she'll kill herself." I push my floor to the petal and the car stops too suddenly._

_"What?" I ask finally hearing her. "She said what?" Olivia looks away from the window and I place my hands on her shoulders. "Are you trying to make me pay attention to you Olivia? Did she really say that?" Olivia looks back at Ellie who cradles her blade between her thin fingers._

* * *

When Ellie and Olivia wake up they do the expected hug as they whisper. At least Ellie will know Olivia's story and Olivia will know Ellie's. "Don't leave the cell block without asking an adult for permission." I tell them.

I walk out and try to find someone to talk with. Someone I can tell about Wood Bury. I see Carol sorting through the food and supplies. "Carol." I say and she turns to look at me. I sit across from her and she glares. I stop myself short and turn to walk away and find someone else. I see Daryl cleaning his bolts.

"Daryl there was a town." he looks up at me and listens seemingly with curiosity. "Where Olivia had been staying. Andrea was there too." He puts down the bolt and stares at me.

"Andrea was there?" he asks and I nod. "Well if she wanted to come back to see us she would have." I put my hands on my knees and look at the ceiling. I never told her where we are.

"Yea I guess she would have." I agree getting up to walk away. I hear Daryl grunt and I turn back to him. "What?" I ask as he starts cleaning another bolt. "What's so funny?"

"Lori told Carol that you were trying to get cozy with Rick. Carol told me." I give an annoyed and aggravated growl and stalk of to find Lori.

Hershel has finally woken up. Though, I don't feel considered one of their friends right now I am so thankful that he didn't die. Lately I have felt separated from the group. Lori has seemed to turn everyone against me. Even when I came to talk to her she just rolled her eyes and acted like I was an idiot. We decide to take Hershel out to get some fresh air. Rather, they decide and I just go along with it.

The damp air touches my check as I smile with the rest of our group. It feels weird as if we are all talking through smiles, grins, and smirks. I am so glad we are finally getting rid of those prisoners. "Walkers!" Carl screams and we all turn, terrified looks littering our faces. Screams pollute the air as I run to Carl's side slicing a walkers head in half with a machete. Carl motions me to the stairs as Lori closes the door behind Maggie. I stare at her through the bars. Her eyes laugh as she runs into the cell block after her son.

I feel pressure everywhere behind me as I kick a walker down the stairs. There is another entrence, one I havn't seen. I pull out my gun shooting a nearby walker that growls and falls. Heat starts filling my head as I whip open the door and run inside. They start to surround me and I do what my children would do. Run. Hide.

* * *

_"The CDC is gone." I say looking at Ellie and Olivia who turn to each other disappointed. "I promised Alex and Courtney we would meet them at Fort Benning." Ellie pulls her ear buds from her ears as Olivia looks down at Ellie's freshly charged I-Pod and rolls her eyes._

_"Mommy." Ellie mutters kicking Olivia in the ankles. "I miss Daddy." I disregard her utter disrespect and give her a loving look. _

_"Daddy was bit and he put himself down so not to hurt us." I laugh annoyed. "That idiot didn't know to hit himself in the head."_

* * *

I'm thirsty. I'm hungry. My ears are ringing with the pounding of walker fists. My feet are stiff pushing against the door to the boiler room. Tears roll down the side of my face and that's the last thing I remember before something comes crashing down on my head from above me.

It seems my eyes won't open. Thick gauze holds it shut. I'm still sleeping but I'm awake. "Is she still asleep?" a wavy voice asks. I try to move but my muscles are stiff and take on a life of their own.

"I think so." Another wavy voice explains. "I don't think she'll be strong enough to go on the run with Glen and Maggie tomorrow." I wonder how long I have been sleeping and I wonder how I'm still alive.

"That's too bad. Maggie was hoping to have her help finding things for the baby." the other voice responds. I cry out in pain and the two faces begin to clear up. One of them is Hershel who is looking at me with a contemplating look. The other is Daryl. I bit of sadness fills me that Rick isn't here also. I open my eyes and a quick look of relief comes over Hershel.

"Where's Olivia?" I ask slowly trying to pull myself up. "And Ellie?" I moan. Hershel puts his hand on my shoulder and helps me to sit up. I try to stand and my muscles burn like metal rubbing against metal.

"Don't strain yourself." he kindly states guiding my body back onto the bed. My body slumps under the covers and I realize that I am handcuffed.

"What the hell?" my voice is horse as I tug at the handcuff. Daryl stays in the cell looking down at me as if I am still sleeping soundly and when I look up at him he glances away.

"You have to understand that none of us could guarantee you were going to wake up. We found you a couple days after the indecent. You had a severe concussion." I smile a mock smile and try to close my eyes.

"Rick went crazy." Daryl murmurs. "You know after Lori died and you went missing." I feel giddy almost forgetting that Lori had died. "Lori had a baby." he says calmly almost as completely different person, much less grumpy. "It was a girl." He walks out after getting in those couple of words into my head.

"Carol was lost too." Hershel calmly places the words into my brain. "Daryl found her. Carol had saved you." Carol the lady with the grudge because I was stealing her best friend's man. Lori's man. Was I really stealing him? I wish I could thank her but I am just so tired. My mind goes slack and I fall to sleep once again.

When I wake I feel like I am born again. They apparently had taken the handcuff from my wrist the last time I was awake. I quickly stand looking around the unfamiliar cell. It's dark and musty making me cough. My legs feel like lead at first. They are trusty though and pull me out the cell door where I see Glen and Maggie suiting up to leave. "Hey Maggie!" I call down to her down to her remembering what I heard before I fell asleep "Can I come with you guys?"

Maggie gives Hershel a questioning look and he nods. "If you're coming hurry up the baby is going to need more food soon." I quickly get my supplies.

"I'm glad you're coming." Maggie says as the car moves slowly down the empty streets. "Neither of us had a kid before, and you have two." I pretend to be amused so she continues. "I figured that we could use your help finding things we might need." I watch the buildings zoom by as if they are the ones moving and we are sitting still. Red paint stretches across the pavement spelling out warnings.

When we reach the pharmacy Glen pulls open the door letting a couple bats fly out. I grin tossing Glen a can of baked beans and two bottles of Spring Water. Maggie and Glen start talking as I walk deeper into the store. When I come out they wear stony looks. I toss a bag of flour to Glen and it lands in front of him. "You stay here." Glen says to a figure in front of him. "We'll tell Daryl about you and he'll come out to get you." Looking past Glen I see the man from Wood Bury. The man who had let me and Michonne out.

"We know him?" I ask pushing past Maggie. I notice his missing hand and vaguely remember a story I had heard over the winter.

"I don't know you yet Darlin." the man hums walking towards me. Instinctively, I pull the gun from my waist band pointing it between his eyes. He puts his hands up in mock defeat and takes a step back. "Whoa there. I just want to go see my brother. Can you tell me where he is?" The story is clearer now. He was Daryl's brother. The man who was locked on the roof back in Atlanta. I don't need Glen's glares to know not to say anything.

"Come on princess." Daryl's brother says in a southern drawl more obvious than not. "Tell me where my brother is." He steps forward towards me and I pull the trigger to my gun, Glen's eyes widening like I just proposed. I close my eyes only hearing a faint click. Nothing happens. Everyone is silent. I click again, this time with my eyes open. I don't have any bullets.

"At least this here girl has the balls to shoot me." The man's hand comes flying at my face and the last thing I hear is Glen, begging.

They threw me into another room. One with Glen and Maggie huddled up, together. They wear looks of dread. "Are you OK?" Glen asks passively more concerned with Maggie. I choose not to respond. Words are small. Ill comparisons to events. Maggie looks sick, sort of how I imagine myself to look. "Did you tell?" Glen questions me and I shake my head no. "We did." I lower my eyes at the last remark. If I had known they would have told I may have given in earlier. I could have told. Maggie stands and Glen reaches for her hand. She lightly brushes him away staring down at a decapitated walker. Glen nods. She tosses him a bone and keeps one for herself.

The room suddenly fells cold like a balloon had been popped and its substance is now spreading. "I'm fine." Maggie insists adjusting her shirt on her shoulders. Even when Glen turns to me, his eyes searching for something I don't speak.

Giving up he says, "Let's go." and we are all on our feet. His voice is cradled with a layer of thick anger and thin sadness, I can sense it. As the door opens, Glen moves back to back with Maggie stabbing to guards. I gag as blood drips from the impaled throats. Even with the instinct to split up I run after my two friends. Brisk air touches my skin, tasting of freedom. It is a short lived feeling as a beefy hand grabs my wrist. I squeal expecting to see my perverted captor. It's not though, it's one of the prisoners who Rick had once debated killing.

"Follow me." he says in a gruff voice and though I am weary to trust the man I take a leap of faith. I watch seemingly from outside my body as he guides me in the direction Glen and Maggie had run in. I trip over my own feet inhaling the smoke that spontaneously begins to fill the cool night air. The prisoner leads me into a house where I catch my breath catching sight of more of the group. All that leaks into my vision though, is Rick. His look is stony, processing everything that is happening and even through the talking I lay out a selfish wish. A wish where my arms wrap around his waist as he pulls me up to let our lips connect like fibers fueled by consensual will.

It doesn't happen that way though. Just as Beth had done back at the farm he gives me a nod of recognition and boy do I feel noticed. My hair is arranged in messy tangles and my clothing is decorated in dirt and blood. After some talking we break apart, Daryl processing his brothers vain decision to bring us here, Maggie lost in her thoughts, Glen focused on revenge, and me who is kind of just there. We shoot, and dodge and duck trying to get out of the town without a scratch. Then we stop, and there is someone missing.

We are now on the road. I wait by the side of the car as the group talks. "As the grownups talk." I think aloud chuckling to myself. I seem happy even though I am not. People don't need to ask me what happened because they are already inferring it. The talking is more near now and I watch as Daryl heads into the forest with his brother, the brother he just got back from the supposed grave. Rick talks to Glen as the lady who left Wood Bury with me sits in the car. I avert my glance back to her. She was the lady who saved Olivia. Even with a disapproving look from Rick I slide into the car next to her.

Before closing the door I catch the last faint sound of the departing Dixons. "I remember you." I say softly looking towards the woman. A smirk forms on her lips.

"It really is a small world." She says looking out her window. I look out the window to see Rick wiping a mixture of blood and sweat from his forehead.

"Yeah." I respond resting my hands atop my lap. "Yeah it is."

Back at the prison Olivia runs to me and hugs my waist. I glance to the side at the new faces that litter the cell block. "Ellie is mad at you." I am so tired. I can't bear to hear Olivia be so truthful.

"That's nice." I yawn back to her as we continue past Hershel. I slip off my torn shoes passing Carl who is talking with Ellie. Ellie glares at me as I pass. "Ellie time for bed." I say reaching for her. Ellie rolls her eyes at me continuing to talk with Carl.

"You said you'd never leave me again _Mom." _she snarls and Carl gives me a sad look probably thinking about how he disrespected his mom before she died.

I lay lazily on top of the cell bed thinking about Maggie who most likely does the same. I still remember Wood Bury. I remember what had happened there. I have a false desire to see Daryl. He was so easy to talk to when I wanted to talk to someone about Andrea. He didn't judge me like Carol did when people thought I was acting like a slut. Olivia is following Ellie around even though Ellie will only talk with Carl. I am alone. I stand..

I hear talking. I follow the sound down to where people are gathered. They turn to me for a second noticing my presence and then go back to talking without making a dent. "He had fish tanks full of heads." Michonne says dryly. "Walkers and humans. Trophies" My mouth drops open and I turn my head to see the map Glen and Carl had drawn in chalk. "He's coming." She finishes. I look around and I can feel tension.

"We should hit him now." Glen blurts out. I stare coldly at the floor. "He won't be expecting it." Everyone seems to think this over except Carol.

"Where're not assassins." She rebuts. The room goes stiff for a minute and I feel as if it is my chance to fill the silence. Carol makes everything way to hard.

"He'd be better dead." I mutter and Ellie looks up at me as if she is trying to figure something out. I continue and some people Glen nods. "I mean he already attacked us. He tried to make Daryl and Merle fight to the death. Do you guys really think he's going to stay away?"

Glen stands up and I notice his black eye shining on his face. It is more obvious. "You know where his apartment is." He says to Michonne. "You, me, and Aylin can end this tonight." Though his plan is noble, I am never going back to Woodbury.

"He didn't know you were coming last time." We all look to Hershel. "Look what happened." He's right. We lost lives. The room now feels stuffy and I let myself cough.

"You can't stop me." Glen says taking a step towards Hershel. I glance at Maggie. Her face is wrinkled and sad as if she just saw something she never noticed before. Something about Glen.

"Rick would never allow this." Hershel says trying his best to be the voice of reason. Nobody else speaks. It almost feels like they aren't there.

"Do you really think he's in the condition to make that decision?" Glen responds impatiant. I remember how Rick had acted when we got back from Woodbury. Hard. He is still looking for Lori in the woods I presume.

"We could leave." I pipe in not wanting to make any more trouble from this discussion. "He wouldn't expect it if we were suddenly gone."

"And go where." Glen argues. His voice is hard like Ricks. He is trying to become leader. I try to rebut when Hershel says it for me.

"We were on the road all winter." He says. Ellie has her arms crossed and Olivia sits next to Carol at the table glancing up at Michonne every couple of seconds.

"Yea." I agree. "And we didn't lose anyone." Ellie stands and I'm startled. She never talks. Heads turn to her and I take a deep breath expecting the worst.

"Mom." She says, her eyes pointed. "Glen's right. We were here first. I'm not leaving because some idiot wants to take away our home and I think that everyone can agree with that." She glances around the room. "Sometimes I think _you_ are the real idiot." She storms off and people continue to talk even when I am gone. I hear Maggie behind me also.

"Ellie." I say sitting next to her. "What was that?" Ellie folds her hands and doesn't speak. "You can't be that disrespectful to people around here especially me." Ellie still doesn't speak and I walk off catching the last of what Glen says.

"We're making a stand." Faces drop and I listen as he gives orders. Until Rick is better he is our leader by default. Time passes. I help out in any way I can though, avoiding Glen who has gone dictator for the last couple of hours. Most everyone is outside. Rick, who is looking for Lori on some deep level of his mind. Hershel, who is trying to get him to lead us again, and Carol who is flirting with one of the prisoners. Everyone is doing their own thing.

I walk out and the court yard seems like another world. People actually seem happy.. It's good to be outside in the fresh air. Axel falls, blood splattering next to his head. I see Ellie and watch how she begins to shoot. I duck behind a short wall, my eyes searching for Olivia. Carl is next to me shooting towards the fences.

From the corner of my eye I see Carol's eyes bulge from her head as she screams holding, the prisoner, Axel, in front of her to shield herself from the bullets. I pull my gun from my holster and shoot towards the yard taking down a walker. My mind twists and turns like a broken roller coaster. There are walkers in the yard. Axel is dead. I shoot again this time not paying attention to where it lands and scream letting my scream join the others.

I see Olivia. She lays flat on the grass near the bridge where Rick is shooting at one of the terrorists. She must have followed Rick out. He would have never let her join him. Blood is everywhere and I really don't want to give into my thoughts. The shooting stops and I run to Ellie giving myself no time to catch my breath. She has a couple cuts across her arms but nothing big. Ellie exchanges a glance with Carl who lets out a deep growl.

I scan the yard with my eyes catching a glimpse of Olivia limping, holding on to the fence as she goes. She gives me a weary smile and I fail to return it. Everything is so grim. I think about the baby and I think about Lori. Lori was right to doubt giving birth. After everything we still are all going to die.

Behind Olivia, I see Rick who is searching for as many faces as he can, and behind him I see Daryl who has returned with his brother. I want to scream and cry, but instead I swallow my tears and stare forward at the damp woods. It seems like they stare back at me with beady green eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone talks. I brush my fingers across Olivia's soft check as she sleeps and rest my head on the metal frame. I hear a grunt and turn to see Daryl at the cell door. "What?" I moan staring darkly at him. He glances behind him.

"My brother is really sorry ya know." I bite my tongue letting blood trickle into my mouth. "He should have known better." I feel my face heating up as Ellie turns mindlessly in bed facing the wall. Night has always been quite and I don't usually talk with people.

"Yea I bet he is." I respond quite sarcastically. "But, I bet he didn't even say he was." Daryl frowns. I doubt Glen and Maggie has forgiven Merle yet either. "I hope he told you that I tried to shoot him." I swallow hard.

"Yea, he did." That's all Daryl thinks to say in response, or all he wants to say. I hear the sweet drifting tune of Beth's singing. It drifts through Daryl, past me, and into the dreams of my children. It reminds me of Mike. He sang almost every night and his voice was so beautiful. I sigh not wanting to feel guilty later.

"Do you want me to tell him that he's forgiven?" Daryl looks up startled. I bet nobody has ever forgiven his brother. "I bet he'd rather hear it from me if he wants to believe it." He thinks this over trying to figure out if that would be the best move. The way we think now is written in strategy. As he thinks, I try to remember Shane. I try to remember the look he shared with Rick. A look of loss, lust, and distant love. He used it like a superpower for hate and revenge.

Daryl's mouth forms a straight line and he as he finds his decision. "Nah, he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Just wanted to let you know he's sorry." I savor on the slight taste of relief. I didn't want to talk to Merle anyhow. I don't even know if I truly forgive him. "Oh. Rick is taking Carl to town tomorrow. Michonne is going too. He wants to know if you want to join them."

"I'd rather not." I say. "I mean after last time." It is getting darker and I turn on the battery operated lamp. It illuminates the room covering every square inch of darkness with dim light. I start feeling hot and my hair sticks to the back of my neck. Beth's singing gets louder and louder in my head and then halts almost to suddenly as another voice enters my head and it feels real. A man's voice. The original composer. Daryl stands at the door as if he wants me to dismiss him.

"You can leave you know." I tensely inform him. "I'm not trying to keep you here." Daryl's eyes are like blue roses with bitter seeds. I can't keep them from staring at me as he waits for me to say more. They are like Mike's eyes. Just by having them targeted at me he could be a cop and get me to say what I am thinking. "I can tell you what happened." I find that my lips speaking for me now. "If you really want to know."

I know he doesn't want to know. I know that by saying this it will dismiss him so I wait. I wait for him to leave because he feels uncomfortable. He doesn't though. He stays. "Betta then keppin it on yer back." Daryl mutters and sits on the floor across from me.

"Only if you really want to know." I respond a little dazed at his sudden change in mood. I've never seen him act like this. I've never seen him act caring. It feels weird like I have been placed on a parallel universe. "Do you? Do you really want to know?"

"Don't play mind games and spit it out." Daryl yawns. I take a deep breath in trying to recall the traumatic event. It seems like it was so long ago.

"The Governor." I say to start things out. "He interrogated me just like I presume he did Glen and Maggie." My heart beat starts picking up. "He—" My voice cracks and I stop. "You know what." I say laughing with unhappy anxiety. "Who cares what happened. I just want to go to bed." Daryl shifts his body up the wall and any anger I thought I could see on his face is now gone.

"That's a relief. I'm not good at sharing feelings and such." I respond to him without words and he leaves. I now have an eerie feeling and my body is shaking.

"Sticks and Stones." My conscious sings coldly and I feel my bones becoming weak. "May break my bones." I don't want the rhyme to finish in its deep scratchy voice but I let it. "But names will never hurt me."

I wake. Somehow I picture the night before happening like water dripping. It started, then it ended, then it repeated itself. Over and over and over again. I think back to the winter, the day that Ellie had told me it was Christmas even when I wasn't so sure. It was a good day. "Merry Christmas. You may now survive another day." Olivia had said to everyone. It caused quiet laughter which got us through not having eaten for days. We all survived another day. Some of us even thanked Olivia for the present after we didn't die. She gave Daryl a special present. She whispered it in his ear and wouldn't tell me what it was. We ate deer the next night. I don't believe in luck or superstition. I believe if you believe in something strong enough it will happen and it did.

Olivia and Ellie must already be awake because I don't see them. I stand stretching my arms. I heard shuffling in my dreams and I believe that Rick, Carl, and Michonne must have already left. I wonder what time it is. On my way out of the cell I jump to touch the top of the doorway upset when I reach it too quickly. Ellie and Olivia draw pictures with chalk across the walls. I see spiders, hearts, and faces. Faces that are angry, faces that are happy, faces that are confused, faces that are sad. I pass them and they don't give me a second look as they continue to scribble on the walls. I see Beth cradling the baby. I never toke a close look at the thing. Might be cute. Might look like Lori, or Rick, or Shane.

"Can I hold it?" I ask gesturing to the baby who giggles fiddling with the tiny blue blanket. "I mean Judith." I correct myself realizing that Beth may not like it if I address the baby as an object.

"Sure." Beth responds joyful that someone has taken an interest in what she is doing. "Course." She adjusts the baby in her arms and hands her to me. "Cradle the head it's delicate." I pick up the baby and look into it's eyes. It stops and stares back at me beginning to cry. I take a deep breath and hand it back to Beth.

"Guess the baby doesn't like me." I shrug and sit at one of the tables. I pick up a book as the baby quiets down. Harry Potter is printed across the cover. I begin to read it. Carl picked out the best selection. It suites him, Ellie and Olivia perfectly but I doubt it made any of us too excited. I quickly close the book and look back over at Beth.

"Do you really think they're going to find anything in town?" I ask her. "I mean that entire place must have been picked clean during the first couple of days of panic."

"Probably not." She says tilting the baby bottle into Judith's mouth. "But Rick made a call." Beth just shakes her head as Judith wraps her fingers around the rim of the bottle.

"What?" I ask anger trying to become greater than curiosity.

"It's just." She starts. "It's just that sometimes I doubt that we should have a leader. Rick isn't our God." I try to understand her but can't. My mind drifts to the first day I meet him. 'Now let's just see where we all stand' is what he had said. He gave them a choice to vote, to make their own decisions. "Maybe a council." She remarks.

"What would you do?" I ask frankly. "If it was your choice to make?" There is a silence between us and I can hear Olivia and Ellie running after each other out of the main building.

"I would take more people." She says placing the baby in the makeshift crib. "I wouldn't only bring three because I want someone to prove themselves." She sits. "Also, they won't find anything in town. I expect there would be more guns found out of town. In private homes like the farm I used to live on. I doubt anyone knew my dad had a gun until he had to use it and Otis would always go out hunting." Sometimes I can't believe a person like Beth is able to make a stronger call than Rick.

"Life is just to weird." I comment standing. "One day your jealous of your neighbors because they have bigger windows and the next day because they have a larger can of beans." Beth laughs and I stand. "I better go find Olivia. Who knows what she is getting herself into."

"Olivia?" I call up the empty cell block. Everyone must be outside. I scratch the side of my head thinking about Rick. Even with him gone each day seems to be getting more predictable, like a plot. "Olivia get down here right now." There is still no response.

"It's funny how we sound more like our parents each day." I jump half expecting it to be Hershel behind me trying to give wisdom.

"Sometimes we have to—" I stop mid-sentence noticing that it is in fact not Hershel. "Oh. It's you" I mumble turning back to look for Olivia.

"Thought little Daryl said you had forgiven me." Merle responds with sarcastic sadness. I growl turning to face him once again and he says, "Never pictured him as a liar."

"Sure. Your forgiven." I chock out trying not to think about what happened after he left the room. I've never pictured a man like this to ever be related to someone heroic like Daryl.

"Well, I can see why Daryl is so fond of ya." He says walking away. I grab his shoulder and turn him around. Before he can hide it guilt disappears from his face.

"If you ever call me kid again—" I growl at him. "I'll…" He smiles pulling away. "I'll…" But I can't finish. I don't have the guts to do anything to him.

"You'll shoot me?" he asks. "If you haven't noticed I'm already dead." Merle pulls away and disapeers back up into his cell. I might have found Merle funny, friendly, maybe even interesting. Instead he left the room when I needed someone most. I will never forgive him for that, not ever.

Recently, I have let Ellie do whatever she wants. Olivia and her have already gone back to drawing on the walls. My back feels like a plank of wood and trying to sleep doesn't help. Everyone lets me do whatever I want, like I am broken china. I can just lay here and do nothing with nobody questioning me. There is too much light and too little at the same time. The pillow is to rough but somehow to soft and I am sweating like a pig. I never thought I would insult myself that way but it's true. I can sense my thoughts drifting back to what Merle had said. Daryl is not fond of me. Daryl is not fond of anyone. I hear a knock at the wall just like always. I have never even thought to look for someone around here they just seem to come to me.

"Uh—" Daryl scratches his head. "I'm going out on a hunt and Ellie wants to come with me." I sit up partially startled and raise an eyebrow.

"She wants to go on a hunt?" I ask stunned. "A hunt." He keeps his hand on the back of his head and I wait for him to finish his awkward and probably embarrassing statement, question, whatever it is.

"Persistent isn't she?" Daryl mutters clear enough for me to hear. Today is getting more and more confusing. Persistent, constant, and she has never mentioned it to me.

"She's asked you before?" I feel like a fool, a neglectful parent who doesn't know what's going on in my own child's life. "Is Olivia going?"

"Hell. You think I'm following them around." He says roughly. "The've been following me around." I don't know what he means by that. I doubt Olivia would want to go on a hunt so I decide to infer she won't be going. I see a faint glow in Daryl's eyes like he is wearing a different mask.

"She can go." I answer him. "I mean as long as you don't leave her alone." As long as he doesn't leave her alone, like Merle left me. My head begins to ache.

* * *

_Merle pushes me into a metal room. I stumble backwards and scramble to the door. "Don't leave." I gasp speaking through the entrance. "Please don't leave me." I fall to my knees and back up from the door._

_"Business." His voice rings through the room like a rouge echo and I can barely hear his breathing, his footsteps, his mumbling because he is gone. _

* * *

"Aylin?" I look up "Aylin?" It's later than before much later. But, it's not Daryl it's Rick. Olivia and Ellie are peaking through the door with worried eyes.

"I'm—" I pause. "I'm thinking." I feel sick and my body seems to vibrate. Rick takes a step back. "Why?" It feels like there is a steel ball in my throat.

"Mommy." Olivia whispers her voice soft and constant. "You were thinking for hours and you wouldn't speak to us." Rick stands still letting my daughters explain.

"Don't worry mom." Ellie sounds different. She sounds older. She sounds strong. I miss when she would call me Mommy. "We didn't leave you." The palm of my hand creates a vizer over my eyes and my vision starts to blur.

"What?" I ask. "What does that mean?" My voice is now horse and I feel like I have just woken from a bad dream and Rick shuffles uncomfortably.

"I'll leave you to." Rick sighs. "To whatever." Rick leaves and Olivia is on his tail. Elle sits on the metal floor in front of me. She grunts, just like Daryl and I feel my posture straightining.

"I find it interesting that Olivia is the only one maintaining a good mood." She says clearing her throat. My face feels like a blank page and I can tell that she is frustrated because of it.

I laugh. "Ellie you are very mature." Ellie wrinkles her nose.

"No way." She exclaims. "I'm never going to grow up." She parts her hair. "Not ever, never, ever."

"Oh really." Ellie pushes my arm but I countinue. "I heard you went hunting with Daryl earlier today and I didn't hear that you acted immature."

"Well I did." She mutters and pulls out her knife to carve her name into the metal. I don't stop her. Even if she is able to carve metal it doesn't make a difference. It's better than some things. I remember when Andrea came to the prison a couple days back. She told Rick the Governor is willing to negotiate, she set up a meeting.

"Ellie I'm going out again tomorrow." Her spirits drop as I continue. "With Rick and Daryl and Hershel." I don't tell her where. She walks to the door. I do really want to tell her, just not yet.

"You know what Mom." She pouts crossing her arms. "All you ever do is get hit with guns, sleep, and pretend to be sick when we all know that you just want to get out of work." I feel my mood changing. "Name one thing you've done other than lay in bed and talk to yourself." She storms off leaving me alone.

Our car stops. Hershel is in the driver's seat. We are silent even when I want to tell Hershel how amazing he is, we don't speak. Hershel winds down his window and looks out turning to singnal that it is clear. Rick steps out holding up a hand to have Hershel stay. I stay to. In front of me Hershel narrows his eyes and readies the gun to fire. We wait for someone to return. I watch as he checks the guns that are strapped to his leg, paranoid. Again he raises his gun. I sit in back, still and steady. Though I insisted on coming it feels weird to even want to be in the same vicinity as the man who I hate. Hershel begins to drive again and soon we see Daryl

"He's already in there." He admits. "Sat down with Rick." I look around searching for a reason to make it possible. I lean against the closed window hoping to be ignored.

"I don't see any cars." Hershel says and I search the area with my eyes. He's right. Not one car. Not even an abandoned one from a walker.

"Yea it don't feel right." Daryl agrees moving his hands a little. "Keep it running. I look through the darkened window towards where the Governor is. The sound of cars ring in my ears and I turn startled. "Heads up." Daryl says hitting the front of our car.

Andrea gets out of the car with two others. "What the hell?" Daryl says agerly. "Why is your boy already in there." Hershel steps out from behind Daryl and I follow. Andrea breaths out hard and walks off to see what is happening inside. Nobody talks. We just stare at each other expecting of the men is writing notes on a pad of paper.

"Maybe I should go inside." Hershel suggests and I hastily have the urge to agree with him. He is helpful at times and maybe he would be helpful now.

"The Governor thought it best if he and Rick spoke privately." I roll my eyes taking a step into the open. Daryl glances at me and stiffens.

"And your listening why, because he tells you the truth all the time?" The other man smirks a little looking over at where Rick is. "Yea I bet you know everything about him."

Daryl continues as if I hadn't said anything. "Who the hell are you?" he asks hiding bewilderment with a deep and content voice.

"Milton." The man says. "Mammot." I take another step and Hershel glances at me. I feel like a child needing to be constantly checked on.

"Great." Daryl says. "He brought his butler." I bit my lip a little trying not to laugh but notice that the other man is laughing too. I never needed to hide it.

"I'm his adviser." Milton corrects him still scribbling on the notepad. The moment seems to cool down as they speak but I keep my hand on my gun any way.

"What kind of advice?" Daryl asks the question that we are all curious is no pause between the speaking but my thoughts which decide to sense trouble.

"Planning, biters." Milton starts but a look of disgust forms on his face. "You know what. I don't feel like I have to explain myself to the henchmen."

"You better watch your mouth sunshine." Daryl is quick to respond which surprises me. I lean against the car my hair braided over my left shoulder compliments of Olivia.

"Look if you and I are going to be out here pointing guns at each other all day do me a favor." Daryl walks closer to him. "And shut your mouth." Daryl gets even closer.

"We don't need this." Hershel intervenes. "If all goes south in there we will be at each other's throats soon enough." Daryl steps back but I take another step closer to them.

"If it does Im going to slit the Governors throat so slowly that the he'll wish to be dead." I say with venom in each word. Daryl and Hershel both turn to look at me and I look back at them for a minute and glance back towards the others. "I hope you didn't think I came here for this lively chat." It feels odd to me the center of things, to have all those eyes on me.

"Aylin." Hershel says but I don't change me words. I maintain a deep glare. Daryl doesn't talk rather he walks back over so he is standing next to Hershel.

"I'll let him know." Milton says matter of factly. I feel exasperated, tired, worn out and anxious all at the same time. I hope that son of a bitch knows that I want him dead. I hope it makes him happy.

"You'd better." I say leaning against the car once more. Andrea walks out of the makeshift building and sits on a bench. There is no hope left in her. They made her leave. The man without a name, he walks to the entrance and seals it and now we are all out in the open together with nothing left to say. More talking erupts.

"It's a good thing." Milton says gingerly. "Them sitting down after what happened. They're going to work it out nobody wants another battle"

"You calling it a battle because you lost" I say stopping Daryl from speaking. Both him and Hershel seem aggravated that I am trying to join in. After all, I'm just a girl.

"It was a battle." Milton says like he is reciting facts. I can already tell why the Governor likes him. "There were losses on both ends. I recorded it in this." He waves the notepad around a little.


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: Sorry For a Shorter Chapter in Comparison. Please Review I really want to know if anyone is still reading. Also, this chapter begins in a flash back from what I didn't explain in Aylin's interrogation. Thanks Guys. ~SF_**

* * *

_"Hello." the Governor says swiftly. "I thought I recognized you from somewhere." I sit still my body trembling. "I never saw you after that one moment. Didn't see Andrea's little friend either."My head feels heavy. "This is all a mistake. Merle is a little unsteady."_

_"He said business." I stutter. "Didn't seem like his decision." The Governor sips a bottle of water still acting reasonable._

_"Yes. Maybe he did" He responds. "I'll take you back. Back to your friends. Just. Just tell me where they are." My hands roll into fists unable to move._

_"No." I say in response. I can't give up my location. Not for anything. As long as I don't tell I'll live for as long as I can._

_"Take off your shirt." He says. I think about Maggie, how he could have done this to her before me. I shake my head. "Do it or I'll bring in Maggie's head._

_"No. No you won't." The Governor smiles amused at me assuming that I called his bluff. Nobody would really cut off a person's head. Would they?_

_"Do you want to test that?" he asks rolling up his sleeves. _

_ "No." I respond vaguely._

* * *

We hear growls and Daryl gets up followed by the man Milton was with and Andrea. I sit down on the bench in the spot Andrea had once claimed hoping to hear what is going on inside. Andrea walks back her head lowered and sits next to me.

"What happened in there?" I ask due to the lust of the moment. She looks upset. I doubt they are making a deal.

"How should I know." she pauses. "They kicked me out." I never really got why she stayed with the Governor after everything. I don't know if she could ever love someone who has given out so much hate.

"Sorry. You know. About not telling you about where we were staying." She looks up at me from the ground where her eyes lay peaceful.

"What happened with Maggie?" she changes the subject from where it once had been nestled. She sighs and says, "and you?"

I see Hershel getting up from where he had been sitting next to Hershel. He wants to talk with Andrea and that's fine my couple months of attention is undoubtedly over. "Maybe you should ask Hershel?" I say just to keep her waiting.

I switch places with Hershel sitting next to Milton. He scribbles in his small notebook ignoring my presence.

"Never got your name." he states as a fact rather than a question. His eyes are glued to the page which is covered in graphs and scribbles.

"That's because I never gave it." He closes the book to finally see me. I'm tall, a couple inches taller than him but when we sit he seems bigger than I am.

"Interesting. Do you mind answering a few questions?" he asks re-opining the notebook. He flips through the pages and I try to catch key words. Words like prison, battle, loss. I find a couple. Prison and battle. He opens to an empty page full of drawn in graphs.

"Name?" he asks. I think for a minute. When this thing ends, if it ends, people will look at his notebook as history. I don't want to be a part of history, never did.

"Write unknown." He stops for a second his pen still. "Please." I beg dumbly and he scribbles it into the box. He doesn't ask questions, he acts like a dog willed by command.

"Age?" he asks, the tip of his pen resting on a empty box graphed on the beautiful white paper. Age, age is something I can give him without remorce.

"25." I answer quickly watching as he places every word. "More or less." He looks up and sets down the pen next to him his eyes wild.0

"Is it more or less?" Milton snaps too quickly for my sanity. "Sorry." He says calmer. "I'm thinking of other things at the moment."

"How am I supposed to know?" How long has it been since we have started the war against the undead. How long has it been since we've turned on each other. "More I presume."

"Every day you live I'll make a mark like this." I yawn watching as he puts a line connecting two dots. He looks up at me looking for an reaction.

"How will you know if I survive?" I question him my eyebrows raised. "It's not like I'm ever going to see you again." Milton carefully closes the book.

"That's what makes it interesting." I nod not quite understanding but yet not wanting him to continue speaking. Rick barges out of the small building. Yes, barges. He is followed by the Governor who isn't expecting anything, and everybody begins walking towards their cars. I hate his guts. I pull out my gun and point it at him head level. Heads turn and people freeze.

"Aylin." Hershel says softly. "Drop the gun." I look around at everyone's faces. Nobody has a gun in their hands or is close enough to one to shoot me.

"Shut Up." I growl at him. "I'm ending this war. I'm ending the phyco's life. As long as he lives we are all screwed over." Daryl looks me a flame in his eyes that I never saw before.

"His men are going to kill ya if you shoot him." I see his eyes shift behind me at someone I can't see. "It's not the right time." My hands shake but I hold the gun steady. Rick doesn't speak. He looks at me with those blue eyes, and they insist that I kill him. He knows that it will end the war.

I feel at presence behind me and I turn hitting the person with the back of my gun. Hershel's eyes widen as I punch the man once, twice, three times. He quickly pushes me off of him. I shoot him in the leg and back up. "You see what that asshole made me do." I scream not caring if a walker hears. "He made me almost beat a man to death." I shoot in the direction the Governor was the last time I looked and shatter a car window. The Governor stumbles a little but gets into the front of the car next to Andrea. I shoot at the car again as Milton and Martinez follow suit.

The car drives away and I growl shoving the gun into my mouth. "Take care of Ellie and—" I start and I hear a load noise and as buzzing fills my ears. I must have done it. I must have killed myself.


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN: _**_S__orry For A Shorter Chapter. __Please stay tuned and as always reviews are welcomed like the Queen of England. I'd love to know what you guys think so far because I live for the thoughts of others. Even criticize me if you want. Enjoy. __~SF_**_  
_**

* * *

_Merle comes back after the Governor leaves. He carries container of pain killers. Assorted. He tosses them into my shaking hands. "You need these?" he asks blankly and I presume it is unlike him. I don't question it._

_"Yea." I respond in a whisper as I dry swallow the pill. Merle is about to leave. "Thanks I guess." I look into his eyes and he turns away. _

_ "Governors coming back. He's going to bring you to Glenn and Maggie." I don't feel relief or happiness or destain. I just feel weak and tired._

* * *

The only dream I have is a memory. A memory of Merle bringing me the pain killers. I still could be dead. This could be the rewind of my life, if I'm lucky I'll see Mike again. I might see him singing to Olivia on her sixth birthday or playing chess with Ellie on Easter. I might see our wedding day. The day I wore a white silk dress and a white leather mask like I was from a masquerade ball followed by the moment we sealed our marriage with a kiss. But, I don't. Instead, I wake back at the prison just like to many times before where I lay staring up at the top bunk. Ellie may have been right. I do seem to get knocked out a lot.

Nothing seems different, only this time Ellie and Olivia don't wait for me to wake with eager eyes. I am with nobody. I knew it would happen. First I trick them into letting me go to the meeting with them, and then I try to kill myself. I still can't seem to rid my mind from the trauma I went through, the pain, the taunt making it feel amazing. I hear Rick from bellow. "He wants the prison." Ricks harsh tone cuts everyone's hopes, or at least mine. "He wants us dead." I should really believe him yet I don't. He doesn't lie to us, he never has I presume, but he seems to be lying now.

I sit up letting my back unwind like a toy slinkie. Why do I always seem to be sitting up from a bed. I never seem to lay down to sleep because I am always hit in the head. My father used to say the only walking dead apocalypse we would ever get would be from retired football players, people to mind dead with a concussion to think about what they are doing. I laughed at him and so we laughed together. Even though he was eighty I still believe he could be alive, thinking the same thing I am at this very moment. I wonder what he would think about my falling for a man while he was still married at the same time as falling for a broken man. I wonder if he would think I'm too weak to take care of my children or if he would think I am destined for hell.

"Aylin?" I whip my head towards the door flustered and upset to be awoken from my thoughts. It's Hershel who leans on one side of his crutch. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier." I'm not quiet sure what he means. If anything I would be the one to owe him an apology.

"I'm sorry." I say softly rubbing a bump on my skull. "I don't think I know what you mean." Hershel sits down beside me on the bunk.

"I had to hit you in the head." he says and even though he is being serious I am tempted to let go of the boundaries and laugh. "With one of my crutches." Seeing my half smile he smiles to trying to lighten the mood.

"Didn't see that coming." I admit truthfully suddenly starting with a change in subject. "Do you ever wonder if all of this happened for the best." Hershel seems to think it over trying to side with me on the subject.

"The Governor is—." Hershel starts and I breath out hard interrupting him. Looking up from my hands I face him and look him in his eyes thoughtfully.

"No, not that." I correct myself. "Everything with the walkers." Hershel purses his lips for a moment, possibly thinking of his wife. If this never happened she would still be alive to this moment and so would Mike. "I mean, it is highly likely we would have never meet each other. Glen would have never meet Maggie. Carol would still have an abusive husband. Rick would never have had another child. Now we have that and more. Glen and Maggie are in love. Carol seems happy and Rick has another child. I don't know if you ever looked at it like that."

"Yet, my wife and your husband would be alive so would Rick's wife and best friend. You would have never have gone through anything that terrible and Carol's daughter would still be alive right now, breathing, playing, going to school with other children." Hershel still thinks of his wife even now. He must be going through some type of pain because I doubt he hasn't understood my logic.

"I guess I'm just a glass half full kind of person." I shrug and feel a bit hypocritical. I tried to kill my self. That's the furthest from 'glass half full' that I possibly can imagine.

"I should go talk with Rick." Hershel admits not reveling any other motives for leaving. "Oh, and Daryl wants to talk with you about something in the courtyard. I'm not sure what. He's a mystery" I nod to him and stand also, looking down at my messed up sheets. Looking over the railing I see frantic faces, prepared faces. I see personalitys on people I have never even noticed before in my life. Carl, Olivia and Ellie all sit together talking and I decide not to bother them. My feet carry me out of the stuffy prison letting me breath in the setting sun. Looking up I see Rick talking with Hershel about something and at the end of the yard I see Daryl cleaning the tips of his arrows with some type of cloth.

"You needed to talk to me." I call to him and he raises the bow at me startled. It's a miracle these people get along so well raising weapons to each other. "Never can get tired of that." I say yawning into my hands.

"What the hell where you trying to pull back there." Daryl scolds. "You coulda gotten yer self killed even worse gotten one of us killed." My smile drops.

"What's your problem Daryl. You aint my dad. I can't believe you called me all the way out here to scold me." Daryl shifts angerly and I can sense the presence of how the others said he had acted back in Atlanta.

"Just cuz we aint related don't mean you can act like some sorta child all the time." I clench my teeth. "Rick wasn't going to tell you not to kill yerself and neither was I. You betta be thankful that Hershel was there to save your ass." I stare at him like an arguing child and he stares back like I'm a thug.

"Go to hell Dixon." I growl hitting into his shoulder and stomping off. He doesn't try to stop me or intervene to make me feel any better about myself. He makes his words stick like hardened concrete.

I turn to him once more and he is cleaning his arrows not even noticing me. I begin to mumble to myself reasons why I shouldn't even try to like him. He constantly changes his mood. He always treats me like a china doll. He never tries to let anyone else reason with him and he is so damn persistent. I doubt he ever didn't get what he wanted. Yet, thinking these things makes me try to find reasons why I should like him. He's tough and strong and sweet. Looking up where I has previously seen Rick I see Hershel getting up to walk away and my eyes lock with Ricks, my hazel being overpowered by his violent blue. Our eyes don't disconnect till I get a sick feeling in my stomach and it is not nervous butterflies it's moths.


	7. Chapter 7

**An:** _Sorry for a late Chapter guys. No excuse. Hope you're still interested. ~SF_

* * *

I have the sudden urge to go talk with Rick. It seems to always make one of us feel better to know what is really going on even if the news is awful. I wonder how it made Hershel feel after he said what he needed to say to the man. Maybe it made him feel worse. Who really would know? Rick still stands atop the walkway looking over the prison and I walk into the building and up to him. "Rick?" I say quietly and he turns. "You lied about something back in the prison." Rick cocks and eyebrow. "I can tell." It suddenly seems that Rick wasn't just looking over the prize we won, the prison. In the back of my head a little voice tells me that he was watching me. My fight with Daryl.

"Didn't know you heard that." he says still looking at the spot where Daryl now begins to walk away. "What I told them." I shake my head in disbelief thinking of Alex and Courtney and the promise that I failed to keep.

"I did." I respond vaguely watching as the dim light from the sun starts to darken and lower. "But, you lied about it. All of it." Rick closes his eyes for a minute, possibly upset with my snap judgment.

"The Governor wanted Machoone." Rick reveals. "He didn't want the prison; he said he'd leave us alone." I blink away tears of utter disbelief.

"He'll kill her." I pause. "No, he wouldn't kill her. He'd torture her." Rick frowns and looks up to me, no longer scanning the field.

"But, maybe that's the offer we've been waiting for." I bite the inside of my cheek still listing to his pointless idea that the Governor would ever be leaving us _alone. _"Don't tell anyone." Rick states quickly. "They need to be scared." I don't walk off like Hershel did. I stay even though I now can tell why Hershel left his conversation. Maybe I can run. Run away from the prison without Ellie or Olivia. Just Me. I can fake my own death. I can pretend I was shot by a stray bullet during the unpredictable moment we all know the Governor will attack. The thing is, I won't even get too far without Olivia or Ellie. I palm the holster where my gun used to be. It's been removed. I don't know what I was thinking with those weird suicidal thoughts. I look over the balcony with him, just staring into open space.

The night went by without question, relatively the only person talking to me was Rick and technically he was only talking to me by giving a warning look whenever I had a chance to bring up what we had talked about. Glen still fawned over Maggie and Daryl was off talking with Merle about whatever they talk about. Ellie and Olivia moved to a different cell. I don't know why it bothers me that they seem to be growing apart from me. I don't deserve their respect after everything. I deserve to be left alone with the odd feeling that Machoone could just disappear at any moment. Still, at this moment Olivia and Ellie are probably helping Carl and Maggie with something. I believe they seemed to grow together with everyone better. Me, well I'm like Merle. I just sit in my cell looking out the window at nothingness and I bet even Merle has something to look out the window at.

I walk out, and into what now seems to be a common area. We almost have a shelf of supplies, lanterns and old food and then a couple of tables next to the baby crib. Merle is out here so is Carol. In a way I was right. Merle still just looks out the window. And yet he has something to look at. I sit down earning a faint glance from Carol which is only faint as she places the baby back into the crib. Merle turns and I avert my glance. "You got some whiskey?" He asks Carol carelessly his voice horse. "Hell I'd even drink Vodka." I sigh and let Carol take this conversation. I am too much of hog with words.

"No Merle." Carol drawls her words sounding sugary. Merle laughs. Of course he laughs. What else can he do but laugh his face contorting in laughter. But it isn't a long laugh it's more of a faint chuckle. I find myself looking at the duct tape over the metal where his blade used to slide in and out. He begins to walk down making his laugh only sound like a distant echo. I still sit listening like an unnoticed fly.

"You with us?" Carol asks him as his takes a couple steps down from where he was perched at the window. I don't know what to think he would respond. She must know he is a smut.

"Sure." Merle shrugs his shoulders frankly and I don't feel that Carol cares what he is saying. Someday I can see her talking control, doing something so bad it damages relationships.

"I'm not talking about occupying the same space." In a past day or moment I would laugh but I don't feel the need to do something just to become part of someone else's conversation. "Are you with us?" Her words are stronger, fiercer than I have ever heard them.

"I'm here for my brother." Merle tells her. Of course he is. I shouldn't continue thinking it makes me feel as if I am a part of this when in reality I am not.

"He's here for us." Carol responds hardly. He's here for us. Those words make me feel sick. He's here for _us_. "It's not time do shots it's time to pick a damn side." I just listen.

"You ain't like you was back in the camp." Merle laughs to her. Why must he laugh if it only sounds like a sigh with expression? "Little mouse running around afraid of its on shadow." No comment. I'm not going to comment. It feels like a metal ball has formed in my stomach and is staring to take force.

"It's not my shadow it was my husbands." Carol responds. No comment. I want so badly to respond, to make myself heard. I bit my lip and wait for something that I can respond to without feeling guilty. I pop out of my chair suddenly, ignoring the quick change in mood and entering the outside where I can get some fresh air.

Once I am gone the conversation continues between the two even without my presence. I used to think that everything that happened was laid out because of what I choose to do. But, what if everything happens and I'm just sort of there. I hear Glenn and Daryl talking and decide not to interrupt. They don't see me walk by. Daryl grabs his crossbow and walks away. I walk back into the cell block. The tensions are less high inside. Olivia and Ellie are saying prayers with Maggie, Hershel and Beth and I smile and sit behind them.

Hershel stops for a moment and Beth takes his hand. "You okay?" she asks softly. Olivia and Ellie stand up as Hershel smiles at Beth.

"What I wouldn't do to keep you two safe." Hershel says to his daughters and they smile. "And I bet your mother would do the same for you." He says this time speaking to Ellie and Olivia. Olivia smiles her orb eyes lit up and Ellie just shakes her head adjusting her pants around her hips. I don't smile or nod back. I just close my eyes for a moment as Rick enters. Hershel pops out of his chair. I admire him, he loses a leg and now he moves like he's twenty again. "Rick." Hershel calls sounding desperate. I stand also and follow Hershel. "What your about to do." Hershel starts frantic and I get ready to defend Hershel's side already knowing what he is talking about. Rick doesn't stop on my account of course and neither does Hershel. They both know that I know.

"I can't." Rick says moving his hands uncomfortably and speaking quickly. He breaths in, glancing at me for a moment and then finishes. "I won't." He walks off and I let out a sigh of relief letting Hershel stare in bewilderment. Hershel sits down once again next to me.

"So, you knew." He says still shocked. I nod a strike of pain moving up my spine. I ignore it and keep talking with him.

"Yea, I knew." I answer. "I didn't feel right telling anyone without Rick's permission." Hershel nods as I rub my back remembering what Beth had told me. 'He ain't our God.' She had told me after Rick and Carl went out on a run. Maybe, maybe I still act like he is. We sit in silence for a couple moments both listening to the sounds around us. "Do you need help with your leg?" Hershel smiles.

"That would be great." He smiles and stands letting me follow him. After helping I walk into the tombs. I don't know why, but maybe it will be relaxing to know that I have a possibility of fighting off a walker. It's colder down here, the air feels odd. I can hear tiny snap shots of conversations from above me. Glen talking with Hershel. Maggie with Beth. There is a control room at the end of the hall, and even with a lot of missing objects it looks like a comfortable place to rest. So I do. I sit down and rest the back of my hair against the steel.

I don't look like I did before. My straight ginger hair is so tangled I can't fit my fingers through it, let alone a brush. My face is covered in dirt, and my clothing is just a little too short for my body. As I continue to stare into the cold glass machine in front of me I realize that I don't even recognize myself. There is no lipstick spread neatly across my lips, just a dull red. The normal color of my lips. I wish I hadn't fought with Daryl. I don't even know if he'll talk to me again.

"What're you doing?" My eyes go wide as I quickly pull myself up from the wall, brushing the dust from my clothing. Rick and Daryl stare at me confused and then their look changes back to normal.

"I'm—I'm staring at the metal." They are quiet for a minute and then start looking around the room. They lift some things and set them down and then look to me.

"Have you seen my brother?" Daryl asks without turning to me. I don't respond at first, still upset with him for treating me like a child. Rick looks up and bits his lip. He is obviously upset; you can tell by the way he breaths so fast. "Have you seen him?" Daryl says more stern.

"No, I haven't"


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** _Welcome to the end of Season three! I really hope you guys enjoy, reviews would be great because I have no clue what you guys think about the story, but all in all I know your still out there reading so please enjoy. ~SF _

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They've come back from Wood Berry, driving a boarded off metal school bus. I am no longer longing for death, for I can see the future and it's bright. The Governor is gone and as far as I can tell we are bringing in those who he left behind. It's crazy the amount of confusion I see on the others faces as we walk from the metal doors. Carl first, then Olivia, Ellie, Hershel, Carol, and Beth. Yet, we are all quiet while we watch the events take place. They are all so old, so young and so delicate. They look so innocent. I can't even comprehend the fact that these elders, teens, and kids were the people we were shooting at in Wood Berry. We lead them in, into the home we tried so hard to protect and suddenly there is a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.

Inside Rick have the survivors from Wood Berry take a seat. "Your Governor." he starts feeling all eyes on him as he takes his last speech as the supposed leader. "He killed his army. We drove them out of the prison, and he killed them." All the new faces look around in disbelief. A lady with dark black curly hair steps up.

"It's true." she says in a light squeaky voice. "I was there." she puts her head down. "These people, they saved me. You can trust them." In the instant the room erupts into chatter. They must trust this lady, for I see now dwindling faces.

"Quiet down." I hear Hershel command kindly over the chatter. "Now, if you want to leave you can. But, if you're going to stay we are going to assign cells for you to sleep in at night. Try not to think of them as cells, it's comporting to sleep without worry of walkers. The cells have beds. We'll soon be able to get electricity in them." The chatter stops. Even the people from out original group are quiet now, electricity is something none of us even dreamed could happen. "How many of you aren't staying?" Looking around the room nobody says anything. They are all staying.

Rick begins to speak again taking the control from Hershel. "Ok, there are a couple cell blocks. Find a cell and if it doesn't work out then we'll reassign you one. Everybody rises from their seats and scatters around the prison. The only people remaining in the room are me and Rick. Daryl, probably off making sure things go smoothly, Olivia off trying to make friends, and Carl and Ellie ranting about survival.

"So, do we even have a plan?" I ask roundly clenching my teeth slightly. After everything we've went through there is nothing more to fight. There is no more worry of walkers thanks to the fences and walls. There is no more Governor. Strength in numbers is what my mother always told me. We have numbers.

"Not Really." Rick shrugs slouching down against the wall. I slouch next to him. "After everyone is rested I think we should go over rules, maybe begin to plant and collect surpluses of supplies."

"Sounds like you have a plan to me." I respond in an almost happy chip. Almost. "You still going to lead, kind of like an undead president?" I ask trying to lighten the mood. I stand. "Never mind. I probably should talk with Olivia and Ellie about-" I pause. "About everything." I sort of feel neglectful of them at the moment. "See ya."

As I walk away I hear Rick talking to himself. "Lori, your gone now. I must have made it right." I smile a little. I don't know what he means by this but whatever he means. I must be good. There is a rumbling next to me and I jump to the side.

"Shit" I growl and turn to see an unfamiliar face. My eyes widen for a moment and then narrow on the female. "I'm sorry, I'm not used to seeing new people in the prison. How old are you anyway?"

"I'm ten. I'm not a kid." She's short, and blonde. "I'm just a bit lost." I kneel down in front of her to match her in size.

"You sound a lot like a boy I know." I say. "Do you have parents?" She frowns but I know I should've asked. The sickening truth is a lot of adults are dead, kids lost their parents.

"I have a dad and sister. They're in A Block." I nod and stand up in front of her.

"You're dad's probably worried about you. I'll show you how to get back." I begin to walk with her. We walk out of the cafeteria and down the stairs to the outside of the prison. "A Block is this way." I say and point around the side of the wall. The young girl tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and follows me.

"So you and your friends killed Haylee and the others back in Wood Berry." I don't stop walking, instead continue to hear her thoughts on the subject. "I really hate this place." I seem to forget about Olivia and Ellie as I listen to her. Those two girls seem the least of my priorities.

"Oh." is all I am able to chock out. "You should know that the Governor had me and a couple of my friends as prisoners. My people came to Wood Berry to save us. When we were about to leave, the people of Wood Berry cheered on my friends to fight to the death."

"I know." she spits out. "I was there, wasn't I." she lowers her head. "I'm sorry by the way. I didn't know. My name's Lizzie."

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"Mommy!" there is a yelling in my head. "Mommy wake up! Wake up!" I open my eyes to see Olivia shaking me as hard as she possibly can. The light in the cell is damp and fuzzy. "Me and the other kids are going out to play. Can I go? Please can I go?" I look around and nod quickly letting the light from my lamp pour into my eyes. It's been two weeks since the people from Wood Berry arrived. In those two weeks we formed a prison council. With high resistance, I was nominated for a spot. They voted me in. I was a bit upset at first and reluctantly nominated Rick who said that under no circumstances was he going to make any more decisions.

During a council meeting I suggested that we build structures within the perimeters of the gates to make the prison seem more home like. The structures are just a model but they look like a pretty reachable goal. So anyway, here we are now. "What if the Governor comes back?" Sasha says changing the subject from Hershel's decision of community meals. "That first night, you told me and Tyreese that he isn't dead. He could return and try to kill us." This council meeting has been a drag until now.

"They didn't kill him?" I ask my eyes wide with awe. "I thought they said he was gone." Sasha gives me a small smile and begins rubbing her hands together so hard that you can tell it is beginning to hurt.

"When we went back to Wood Berry a week ago the whole place was burnt to the ground. Sure don't look like he's coming back." Daryl grunts, more happily than ever, as a response to my ill worded question.

Hershel nods and quickly changes the topic. "This is something to talk about next meeting. For now I think we can all be dismissed." Feet begin clanking against the metal and out of the conference room.

"Tough crowd." I mutter sarcastically once I belief everyone is gone.

"We'll get used to them sooner or later." It's Hershel who responds. Glenn promised Hershel that sooner or later he'd find him a prosthetic leg, but for now the man is still sporting crutches.

"Yea, I guess." I sigh. "It's just weird that's all, you know having all these people around the prison with us. You know what, it doesn't matter. I better go. I heard Daryl, Sasha, and Maggie are going on a run with Glenn. I think I'm going to go as well."

"Well, I'm not keeping you here." Hershel says crisply. "Go on, have fun." Yea, have fun. After what happened the last time I went on a run I don't feel like I'll actually have fun.

As I walk from the room a thick hand pulls me back into the corridor. I'm breathing fast as the hand lets me go. My eyes slowly clear but all I see is Merle standing over me with his knife arm resting against my throat. If Daryl hadn't told me that Merle was dead, I probably wouldn't have clutched my heart and felt like I would be dying of a heart attack. But, of course I don't die, dying because of a weak heart will not be a luxury granted to someone like me.

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_"Is that you're natural hair color?" Mike laughs as he lies next to me on the satin bed sheets. "I haven't meet any girl in my life that had hair as ginger as yours." I laugh pushing his chest forwards a bit. _

_"I already told you." I chuckle. "That I'm never telling you that." The light from the sunset streams onto the grass around us as we sit below the oak tree. "You think we'll be back in school tomorrow." I ask cuddling up to the picnic basket._

_"Not if we make our date last forever." I look straight into his almond eyes and I can tell he is thinking the same thing as I am. Kids._

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**AN:** _Reviews would be appreciated, but they aren't expected. I know you're all there and that's all that matters. ~SF_


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Here's another chapter for you my friends. Enjoy and please tell me what you think. :) ~SF**

**Note: This chapter was updated: 3/15/14**

**On with the story... 3**

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I look around the blank cell, my eyes finally reaching the Doctor who stands above me. We never had a real doctor, Hershel being a vet, until we welcomed the people from Wood Berry into our home. There is a light pointed into my left eye. "She looks to be ok." Doctor S says smugly. "Just a bit of shock that's all." I smirk weakly and pull myself up.

"Thanks for the help, don't know what happened." I shake my head getting a weird feeling in my skull. "Actually." I begin to start with the story of seeing Merle but instead decide it's not best to do. "Does anyone else know about this?" I ask my brow flared up high.

"Daryl knows. He heard you screaming and went and got me." My breathing becomes harder. "Steady, steady." There is a weird numbness in my stomach as if I am about to puke.

"What-what was I screaming?" I ask. A couple eyes peek into the cell and I ignore them, realizing they belong to Patrick and Carl. We found Patrick hitch hiking on the highway a couple days ago and ever since then we couldn't part him and Carl.

"Doctor S?" Carl asks putting his head down in shame of interrupting. Rick really talked some sense into him since he shot that kid in the woods. Carl hasn't had his gun since then. But, despite that all the kids have been having fun, without worry of having to act older than they physically are. I wish I could talk some sense into Ellie, who recently began going to story time with Carol.

Patrick fills in the silence for Carl. "Mrs. Robinson fell down in the courtyard and Hershel would like your assistance." I nod to Doctor S signaling that it is OK for him to leave me. When he leaves I still sense to presence of Carl and Patrick in the room. "Me and Carl are taking a survey throughout the prison about-" Carl silently laughs for a moment interrupting him. "About who people think is the most attractive, anonymous of course."

I glance down at the scratched up paper they have attached to a silver clipboard. "Did you seriously get all those people to vote?" I ask my throat still scratchy with a bit of clear amusement in my tone. Children are the most creative people on the planet, they notice things that adults won't even think twice about. Without children, who would keep you laughing during the days the dead walk.

Carl passes me the pen and gestures to his friend. "All he had to say was anonymous." Patrick bows pretending to be on stage. My eyes scan the paper. It is separated into two columns, one for boys and one for girls. "If the name is there put a check next to it, and if it's not add it and it'll count as a vote." Carl's eyes are huge, almost like fish eyes. I look up to the two boys again.

"Do I seriously have to vote on this?" I let out a gust of air from my dry throat as Carl nods excitedly. I suddenly look to the girl section and find my name, only five votes. Who cares anyway, I was just curious. My mind hunts through my memory back to fifth grade fractions, five of seventy. I quickly shrug away the feeling of ugliness. This is childlike, and stupid. Why in hell would I care what others think of me? What is this third grade?

I scribble my results onto the paper. Why not let the boys have their game. Patrick snatches the clip board my hands and they both walk away chuckling. I push my fumbling legs off the medical bed and venture out of the cell. What was I screaming? I silently beg to myself that I wasn't calling Merle's name, after all he was the person I thought I had seen before my heart apparently gave out, which of course it didn't.

Out in the yard Daryl is passing out plates of food. Rick, now acting as a farmer, followed my plan and rigged up a wooden canopy which underneath stands Daryl acting as the lunch lady. Ellie is eating, sharing evil grins with Daryl's crossbow. I have a bad gut feeling that she plans to do something to it. My thoughts can hear my mind speaking for me and telling e to speak wit her. It gives me a nice feeling to pass people, living and breathing people.

"Ellie, we haven't been talking in a while." Ellie is obviously still mad at me, using the hair dye that her friend Andy gave her to hide behind blue bangs. "How has it been going, having a lot of friends must be nice." She rolls her eyes at me and shovels a spoon full of peas into her mouth.

"Yea, it's nice for Olivia." she frowns and takes a quick gulp of water, still eyeing the spot on the paved ground where Daryl's crossbow lies. "You know, she refuses to go to story time with me." I begin to pull my fingers through the strands in her back which had been previously been causing tension.

"Well, that's a new one." I laugh waving to Karen as she passes. "I wonder why? Olivia loves stories. Today gets weirder and weirder." Ellie shrugs her shoulders awkwardly. "You'll be okay if I get up and talk with some adults?" Ellie nods and begins fiddling with a plastic spoon.

I walk over to Daryl and plop my hand down on a paper plate. "Shouldn't you be wearing a hair net?" I tease. Daryl looks up and for the first time from were he was moving some food around and I see a tiny smile caressing his lips.

"Why were ya trying to scare the shit out of me back there." Daryl weaves his words into a dull mess. "Yelling about my brother and death." I knew I must have been saying Merle's name.

"It was that bad?" I ask pursing my lips. Daryl passes a plate of box potatoes and a bottle of water to a resident with blonde flowing hair. He doesn't look twice at her.

"No matter what anyone says I wasn't the one who found ya." Daryl suddenly breaks the awkward conversation with that. It bothers me the way he says it. It's almost like he wanted to make sure that I knew that what he is saying was fact. Soon everyone is gathered together eating the last meal of the day. The second meal. In some ways I wish the people from Wood Bury would just leave so things would just go back to normal. As normal as it gets anyway.

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_I place my chin in the curves of his shoulder as he puts the palm of his hand on the bend in my lower back. Oh, how sweet it tastes when all the fibers in my brain work with the fibers in my muscles to latch our mouths together._


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Here's the next chapter. I has a huge conflict on whether or not to post this, because it is very different than the other chapters. I would absolutely love to here your opinion so if you want please review. Thanks Guys. ~SF

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Dinner continues pointlessly and I begin to feel sick. There was always a chance this would happen, with always having to chance expired food. I feel like fainting, possibly because I found it sweet that Daryl was the one who had found me. I take a couple steps back, trying to lock eyes with Ellie and yet finding her gone from the food area. Hush little baby, don't say a weird. I stumble a bit. Mama's going to buy you a mocking bird. The tired old song that puts children to sleep plays off in my head and I begin to cry wondering why I am such a damsel in distress.

I clutch to the light that surrounds me, Daryl's fluffy hair, the sound of talking, the field that we had once felt so lucky to claim, and finally my head as I begin shaking. For a moment the shaking stops and I look around me finding myself in a whirl pool of black. The black morphs around like a weird dream forming a large room with a tiny door. I imagine Alice in Wonderland, the story staring the girl who followed that petty old rabbit into the damp whole in the ground soon seeing a very tiny door. Yet, the one in front of me is different, as I walk towards it, it actually gets bigger, creaking open as I step forward. In the room it's a prison cell, not the home like ones in the prison, but cells that are real. I can hear the screaming of prisoners from the other cells.

They wail nasty slurs and crocked truths and suddenly there is a ruckus from above me. I look up and see Daryl staring down at me from a top bunk. His eyes are swollen from being punched a countless number of times and his hair is cut short. As he jumps down, I feel genuinely afraid of him in a way I never had. He keeps taking small steps forward, saying nothing, and finally he pins me up against the wall, making me yelp. "You are not my friend, and you'll never know me, or understand me." My eyes began to water and I begin screaming so, so loud about everything. I feel so afraid and my throat seems like it's caving in. My eyes pop open and above me I see Doctor S, Hershel, and Daryl.

A thick growl escapes my throat and I rip myself out of the bed. My eyes train themselves on Daryl, poor awkward Daryl and I pull out my knife letting it rest on Daryl's throat. "I may not know you or understand you, but hell if I ain't your friend then I don't know who is." For a moment Hershel and the doctor are frozen, too frozen to pull me off Daryl and Daryl is too solemn to care, or he knows me to well. I remember the weird dream I had and my muscles recoil as I realize it wasn't even real.

I stare numbly at him for a second, my gaze switching between him and Hershel and curl up into a ball. Daryl always gets the messed up girls doesn't he. He seems like that kind of guy. Olivia stands at the door her arms at her side and Doctor S guides her away. Then there was two, watching me cling to my jeans and bit my lip and twitch a bit. It may not have been real but it was still his face that had hurt me. I don't want to be near him or Hershel, I want that old connection that I used to have, with Rick. That relationship where Rick had rode with me in the car when I had lost Ellie. That weird feeling I had when Rick was watching my fight with Daryl from over the balcony.

I try to stand up realizing I am once again handcuffed to the bed. Once again, the first time being when they thought I wouldn't make it and now because…...I am dangerous? "I-I need to." I begin. Daryl crosses when leg over the other and Hershel sits down next to me.

"It's ok honey. Just go to sleep." Hershel tries to calm me. I moan stretching out on the bed. "Hush now it's alright." I tug at my leg like a wounded puppy and am still unable to escape from the cuffs. Daryl's brow rises for a moment and he takes a couple steps towards the door and exits.

My eyes close and I drift away waking up only when a hot towel is placed on my head. My eyes open slowly and touch Ricks who stands where Daryl had stood when he was observing me last night. Olivia eyes meet mine and she quickly scatters away, dropping the towel. "They must have given you a million dollars for you to even take a foot from that field." I tease lightly. Rick doesn't smile. Maybe he is here because nobody else wants to be around me.

"They brought in another yesterday. Name's Bob." Rick starts mildly, small talk. "Quiet type, nice enough." I begin to protest. Tell him how much I don't care. But he stops me. "They don't want to un cuff you yet. Think you still might be in too bad of shape. Daryl doesn't want you attacking him again. Hershel doesn't want you killing yourself. The council wants to vote, doesn't seem too far to you."

I don't want to talk anymore, my mouth is dry and my words stale. It's just like what they did with Randall, except this time my life isn't on the line. I feel like making up some clammy comeback but I feel a sort of connection to Rick and I don't want to seem tough around him, or maybe I am clingy and got indirectly dumped and am trying to form another lifeline. It seems like bad example because of the fact I was never actually dating Daryl.

"I-I." I whisper. "I want to be loved." My words suddenly want to be sucked back into my mouth. That was the most embarrassing thing I had ever said in my whole life. Rick stares for a moment and takes a key from his pocket.

"That's what I thought." He un-cuffs my ankle and walks out. I am paralyzed for a moment. That's what he thought? I weird tingly feeling begins moving up my spine as I get up. So now it will be like it was before, me, Olivia and Ellie on the outside of the group and yet it won't be Olivia and Ellie, they won't be with me. It will be just me. Indifferent and alone.

I fumble out of the bed feeling a hotness in my cheeks. Quickly looking into the mirror of the medical room I try to regain my composure. My hair is tangled and falls a bit short of my hips. Not to mention my face is extremely pale. I take a brush, pulling it through the knots and tangles until it is silky. Reaching down into my bag, I pull out some old hair treatment I used to have and try to make my hair sparkle again. I can taste the silence in the room and sense the presence of an empty cell block. Quickly I pull out a pair of scissors and cut of the split ends.

Looking at myself in the mirror now I can't see myself the way I look now, only the way I looked before. Shoving the scissors and empty hair bottle back into my bag I put my hair up in a high pony tail and walk out of the medical cell and back to block C. I catch weird looks from the people that had not known me before this, people like Lizzie's parents and a couple old ladies but other than that everyone else acts like nothing had happened.

Today the field is empty, there is no Rick the farmer or Carl the helper. Just the sight noises from oinks of pigs. I never liked the pigs, Rick brought some of them back to the prison though. I spread out a towel and lay above the lush, damp grass. Looking up at the sky I try to think, of anything. What brought me to this, to this dependent, eerie feeling? Nothing. I just listened to Olivia who had a memory of her stupid and most likely dead from Vicky. I just want to drift up to heaven where I will no longer have the desire to hold my gun to everyone who passes me, and the problem with that is that they toke my weapons away from me again.

The words I muttered to Rick dance off my tongue. "I just want to be loved." I had said so naturally to him. He was a cop before all this, he must deal all the time with _my _type of person, the attention seeking type. I didn't mean to look for attention, I must be out of my mind to picture the damn door from Alice and Wonder Land, to picture Daryl Dixon attacking me. A hand touches my shoulder and I jump, wobbling to me feet.

"I'm sorry." Carl jumps back a bit scared. "Nobody else wants to go on a run with me." I stare at him for a moment. He must not have heard about what happened earlier. "My dad won't give me back my gun yet, and you seem pretty free right now." I stare down at him for a moment and nod.

"Are you sure that your dad will be ok with this." I pause. "After what happened earlier." Carl shifts his weight for a moment thinking.

Carl shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "I know about what happened. It's not like they banished you or anything." he half smiles. "Nobody stopped trusting Rick when he kept seeing Lori, even after he died." Carl passes me a gun he apparently smuggled from the stash. "If they have a problem with this then they don't need to know about it."

I follow him to my car, the stupid pickup truck I had driven when I first saw them at the farm. "Where are we going?" I turn to him quickly as we drive away from the prison.

He smiles a bit worried. "Woodberry." I slam my foot onto the breaks and the car halts immediately.


	11. Chapter 11

**An: Hey guys! Here is another chapter. Sorry for any spelling mistakes my computer is really messed up. I added some more OCs. So just to do the disclaimer again "I do not own The Walking Dead only my made up OCs such as Aylin, Ellie, Olivia, Mike, Jacob, Luke, Billy, Natalia and Ashley." ~SF**

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For a moment my foot idles on the gas, and Carl gives me an upset look. I know he wants to go to Woodberry to look for any clue of the Governor, sadly I am not on board with that. I am never going back there, not after what I had to endure. It seems so long ago but so close at the same time. "Carl I-" I start but he puts his finger to his lips pointing ahead at a set of headlights that illuminate the bushes with strange formality. "Duck." I whisper to him. He shakes his head.

"You're not even supposed to be out with me." Carl whispers his lips twitching daring to form a guilty frown. I hand him the gun he gave me before we left.

"I'd feel like absolute shit if these people hurt you in any way." I tell him taking a deep breath. Carl turns away from me. "Listen to me Carl. Take this gun and go get Rick, I'll stall." The window sill begins to get wet from drops of fallen rain and the leather of the seat feels like ice against me as I part from the car and walk ahead towards the headlights. My feet plop into the puddles creating ripples of wet waste, ejected forcefully from the clouds. Behind me stands Carl shivering from the rain. He looks at me sadly and then begins to run back to the prison.

He stops for a moment slicing the head of a walker in half and I stare quickly looking back to the fast approaching car in so much awe that I hadn't thought to run after him, only to find out who was ahead of us. The car is right in front of me now and it stays still for a moment, convincing me that I have been spotted. I touch my hip where my gun had been and clench my teeth. Carl has it. Carefully I move towards the window and knock half scared and half ready. The door whips open and I fumble back landing of my back in the wet pavement.

The rain is coming down steady now and I push myself to my feet trying to get a glimpse of the person in front of me. He is tall with dark brown eyes and a silver rain coat. "Lookie here." He says pointing at me. "You lost girl?" My brow furrows but I stay still.

"Y-yes." I stutter staring right through him. I must really be suicidal to think I can walk right up to this car without defense.

"You bite, scratched, gnawed on." he straightens his eyes at me and I shake my head once again. "We ain't going to hurt ya, sweetheart." he says watching my eyes dart back and forth from the car to my boot and back to the direction of the jail.

A pair of eyes jet out of the car. They are little and curious. "I have to go back to my friends." I mutter. The eyes watch me as I shift my weight onto one foot.

"Wait, wait, wait." The voice is sterner than ever now. "You got a group?" I nod hoping this slight movement of muscles will save my life.

"Not anymore. Sorry sweetheart." his voice seems a little sorry for me. "You know way too much for your own good." I look to my feet for a moment.

"They'll be here any minute. If you leave I won't tell them anything about you." I whisper shyly. How old am I now. Late twenties? I still look young though, weak and fragile.

"Do you mind?" he holds out a blindfold decorated in pink polka dots and striped lines. "You can't see where we go." I nod, still covered in rain and he ties the blindfold across my eyes so tight I begin to get an headache. I shiver a bit as I hear the roar of Daryl's motorcycle. Yet, even with that slight bit of hope I feel as if the man has spun me around so much that I am no longer able to sense direction.

I am shoved in the car without notice and a cold barrel touched my throat. I hear yelling, a strong yell, a man's yell and the car zooms off. "Are there kids here?" I whisper my voice cracking like a hammer connecting with ice.

"Don't talk." the man hisses and I purse my lips. "When we get to my camp, you will not talk. You will only speak when spoken to and you will not run your mouth with snappy comebacks. Do as I say and you'll fine."

"Ok." I croak. "I'll be good." I hear a muffled chuckle come from his lips and I once again pretend to hear Daryl's motorcycle, coming to save me. The car finally comes to a stop and with a little help I step out not being able to hear anything. I count my steps and take note to the change in temperature meaning I am in a building.

"Who's the doll?" another man drawls and I freeze no longer able to follow the man who found me.

"Shut up Luke. Don't talk to a damn woman like that" Another man says. I still can't move. I keep my mouth shut and the man pulls me forward anyhow.

"Where did you find her?" a woman asks as my wrists are bound and the blindfold taken off. I finally let a breath out, at least there is a woman.

"I was out scouting with Ashley and Billy and she walked right up to my car. Ain't that right sweetheart?" I move my head up and down not bothering to take in the scene around me.

A little boy and his sister walk up behind the woman and are shooed away. "What are we going to do with it?" Luke asks shoving his hands inside his pockets. "Seems scared out of its mind." Luke turns to the woman who shrugs her shoulders.

"My name's Natalie." she proclaims. "What's yours?" My eyes must be wide and glassy as she comes over to me and sits me down in a chair.

"She said she had a group, said they were coming to get her. I thought fast." The first man shrugged. I stare at Natalie and try to imagine her before all of this. She is young and pretty with almond eyes and gray lace boots. In some weird way I recognize her from somewhere.

"What is she mute?" Luke asks slowly crossing his arms over his chest irritated. "We can't keep her here. She's just an extra mouth to feed. There is only one thing a woman like that is good for-" Luke is cut off by the man who found me.

"What the hell man!" he growls. "I said to shut your damn mouth." I shudder a little staring at the silver wall of the weird cabin. The room is barely natural. All the windows are boarded up so tight they don't even need to put blankets over them, they bother to though, and the door has about five locks on it.

"Look at her. Only sluts have hair as red as that." I always loved my red hair. I just want to slap his smile of his face. Before Luke can say anything else. The man who found me charges him and starts punching him in the face. "What the hell Jacob! Get off me you idiot!" Luke yells and Natalie pulls out her gun pointing it at Jacob's head.

"He said get off of him." Natalie growls clicking the safety off and shaking her hand. Jacob puts his hands in the air in pure frustration.

"That ass was talking shit to a woman." Jacob says whacking the gun out of Natalie's hand and brushing himself off. "Natalie take her to the spare room, handcuff her ankle to something and then come back. I gotta talk to you about something." Natalie guides me to a room that must have belonged to an adult and handcuffs my ankle to the bed frame. Never really could get tired of that.

"Don't listen to Luke." She smiles dimples forming at both ends of her mouth. "You're beautiful and I'm sorry that you can't see your group anymore."

I don't respond and instead place my head in a bundle of pillows. Tears form in the corners of my rain stained eyes and I try to remember Rick's face, before I loose it from my memory. It drifts off and no matter how hard I try I can not stay last face I see before sleeping is Ellie's as she slits her wrists.

My eyes pop open and I almost scream before clasping my hand over my mouth. From outside the door I hear Luke's voice. "Hey kid." he chuckles. "Go in the room and check if that woman has woken up yet."

The door swings open and I feel as I am some sort of joke, a doll on display for all to see. A little boy, much younger than Carl and a bit older than Olivia, walks in with his blonde locks combed over slightly. "You ok?" The boy asks in a deep voice full of pain. I don't respond. He glares at me. "You're going to have to talk sometime or we're just going to treat you like garbage." he waits a beat and then walks out. I stare blankly at a certain area of the wall thinking of absolutely nothing worth thinking.

I want to lie in Ricks arms my hair resting on his chest and tears being wiped off by his hands. But hell, if that's as likely to happen as dead people coming back to life to eat the living, given that it hasn't already happened and everybody would laugh about it if it had.


End file.
